I've talked about writing my book over a 5-year span and I actually did...write a memoir, something I am extremely proud of. For the last couple of years, I am reporting the completion and the edits. For months now, the conversation remains positive..."I am working towards getting it published." I hear encouraging responses, ("cant' wait to read it"), look at the social media comments, ("where can I purchase it?" "I love your writing"). I answer a few hopeful questions when I can with the same answer, -- "thank you, not published yet...please pray about it with me."
I made a commitment to myself that I needed to make this actually,truly,really,yes, believe it, here it is...happen, this year--2020! (God, Your timing, right?). Do the work, He says, my colleagues encourage, my mentors reverberate, my in-box promotes and entices, my bank account groans...
The first thing I decided to do: say no to a few things, scale back, hand over, go FULLY in. (BTW, that's my word for 2020, another blog post soon). OK, so, gather the info, start the research and the petitioning to God for direction. I also told myself I would do one thing a week towards this goal, however big, however small. Network, be proactive, be open...(gulp) to a few changes, and above all else, seek Him even more so in this, in my life, than the actual writing. (Is that possible? Yes, growth is always possible!) In writing: God and me. In publishing...so many other voices. I just want, as always, His direction, for His glory. I am thankful I have a writers' group and some contacts to help begin the process, navigate through it.
One thing I know in my heart as much as I know God's Amazing Grace is that He ordained me to write this memoir, my story of losing my son and gaining an eternal perspective.
This very thing presses in on my mind and my heart continuously. Last week, I sent my book to a professional author and professor, a contact made two years ago and rekindled last summer. I am waiting for his critique.
So, here I am at work, on a field trip actually with my special needs class. We're at the food mall at Victoria Gardens, and nature calls. I excuse myself to use the restroom which is a bit down the end and around the corner of the last restaurant in the court. I trek on over there. Tucked around the corner, another group of special needs, older--quite older adults are having lunch with their caretakers. A sweet man, mouth drawn in over his toothless gums, smiles at me and points to the sign that says restrooms. His lunch buddy, an adorable, angelic-faced "girlfriend" mimics him and points too. "right there," she says, chuckling. (I wasn't lost...did I look lost, does it matter)?
I couldn't help but play along and thank them for their "direction," telling the boyish older man, "thank you, and how smart he was to point out where it was because I could have walked into the wrong door!" They giggled at me as I made my way to the women's side. Coming back out, I gave them the thumbs up, they in turn, applauded my ability to find the right door and gave me a thumbs up too. What a sweet exchange!
As I walked back to my own students and staff, I heard God's voice say to me, very clear, "keep paying attention, you will never know when and where my right direction will come from. It won't be from where you expect it, but it will be just that, MY RIGHT DIRECTION."
Lord, I'm writing. I'm listening, I'm reading Your Word God and most importantly, I trust You, that Your direction will be Fully Right and Fully Amazing and Fully something that only You can do, for the Fullest of Your Glory. Amen.
