Outbreak

Galatians 6:17 "For now on let no one cause trouble for me, for I bear on my body the brandmarks of Jesus."


I saw them this morning, paused and wondered if they would fade, maybe by summer.  Continuing to moisturize as I do routinely, the purpleish dots decorated both my legs. I knew more scattered across my tummy, my back and my arms.  These scars were left from a troubling time not so long ago, scars from stress, anxiety--scars from an outbreak of hives and the constant itch they generated. 

My body reacts to stress in very wierd ways. At one time in my life I dealt with severe hair loss, and eczema always seems to be an irritant when I'm a bit overwhelmed. This is how God put me together. 

But, I shouldn't be, right? I am a believer. "I trust God in everything"...and my inner voice begins the dialogue with itself, and I open the door to more doubt, more anxiety, worrying about my stress and anxiety! 

Ugh! I pray over and read Philippians 4:6, a mantra I must repeat and pray always and forever. 

It's the world we live in today; too much to process and expect an answer for right away. 

Remember that old saying? "Things will work themselves out in time." 

In the few weeks my son and I were dealing with a relationship issue, also involving a third party, all of our good intentions soothed over some situations, but many layers of hurt and anger deep within could not be buffed away so quickly. I wanted nothing more then for my son to be happy, work together for a good outcome, but his friend's healing did not come on our watch. 

Walking through this grief and dissapointed, this heartache with my son, caused me an outbreak of severe hives. 

Walking, sitting and counseling with my son, hearing him pray with me and for himself and this brokenness caused me an outbreak of praise to God for the best words, the honest cries and now I can say, even the heartbreak and dissappointment he received. The healing continues and insight and forgiveness moves us forward. 

Things DID work themselves out in time. It wasn't so much for her, but for my relationship with my son. We are better for this, closer, and I know he respects me and knows the Lord. It may not look like what we think it should, but God showed up in a very dark time, my son initiating the call, both to God and his believing mom.  In retrospect, we both are wiser. We know where and what we can handle when it comes to wounds cut deep and bleeding out onto others. That is God's undoing, and we continue to pray for that very thing. 

My scars remind me, not of the itchyness, but of the grace that appeared over and over. They remind me of my human nature, the way God created me with nerve endings that give awareness of pain and suffering, and how soothing to the skin of my soul-- prayer and His promises, His timing and His glorious works are. Nothing, absolutely nothing in this world is more intimate than to pray in humility, with someone you love so dearly! 

Evil intentions and hurt wanted to leave a festering blister, but the Lord's healing hands administered an ointment of love and grace. Scars may remain but God's outbreak through our tough and tanned layers when we expose our need for Him, covers us and protects us from further damage. 

Thank You Lord.  Everything will work out in time--in Your  timing in and through prayer and Your will. You know Lord, all the things done out of love and good intentions. Sometimes, we are just a stepping stone for another pathway. I can only pray that whatever roads are chosen that they lead straight to You, Your forgiveness and grace. If Lord, any words or thoughts resonate, let Your grace be magnified. I continue to pray for the lost and the broken, for generations affected by poor choices. You Lord are The Healer. May Your grace and love continue to pour onto my son for continued strength, purpose and healing. You know my skin-deep prayers for him. Help me trust in Your timing and continue to guide us in Your ways, Amen. 

Help Wanted, Help Received, Every Day

Psalm 121:1-2 "I will lift up my eyes to the mountains; from whence shall my help come?  My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth."

It is almost here! We're on the final approach. Crossing the "t"s and dotting the "i"s,  having conversations, testing, cleaning up, stopping and starting, scheduling, seeing this doc and that P.A., this nurse and that other doc. Questions asked and answered and papers documented, going over the dos and don'ts before, preparing and...PRAYING! 





This date of his full knee-replacement is just around the corner. God, our Helper, knows the plan, and guides us to continue in the everyday while we wait and move forward. He showed us the way while some major things were dealt with. In the waiting, the right doctor came back from a leave of absence, and the date given? Just a few days into summer break, when school is out and I am home. God orchestrated all this. In our waiting and obedience, He lined up the ducks all in a row and they are moving swiftly now up a stream of anticipation of healing and hope. 

Where does our help come from? My help comes from the Lord. Your Will, not mine, for Your glory. 

~~~

A wonderful conference came together with volunteers and church staff support. I doubted my abilities, but never God's. I gave it to Him, dedicating the day to my mentor and dear friend and prayed for our purpose. Placing the day at His feet, my eyes gazed upon the beauty of my garden and knew from seeds planted and deep roots, My Helper never fails me. He knows my weaknesses and in them He is glorified. 

Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord. You are a Mighty God!

A gathering family, ready to celebrate and regroup--love one another, but news breaks--a difficult situation. Not the expected, yet even in the next few hours, God's indwelling Spirit gives grace, spoken in gentle words and support, unity and hope. Yes, the processing happens but God, already at work, places the right people before and after reassuring in the pain and confusion. He rises above and His magnificence shines and we KNOW because He does a mighty work in us everyday! A vacancy appears and only One can best fill it. The Spirit lifts eyes and hearts and hears the prayers. In this Lord, You will be glorified. In this, we thank You. 

Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord. Great and gracious are You, Lord. 

Lord, everyday our own little world brings challenges. Everyday, I look to You, to trust that You are much bigger, omniscient and omnipresent just for me and my circumstances.   Every day Lord, growing closer to You sometimes comes in waiting. Everyday Lord, I need a Helper. Everyday Lord, Your promises guide every step in the waiting, revealed in the doing and glorified in the giving over. You Lord, are the Maker of Heaven and Earth! You know the future and in that I lift my eyes, trust You and keep praying for Your wisdom and strength. I am living in a broken world...I am broken, yet You see me blessed as I strive and call on Your Name, hire You as my Helper, wait on Your answers, feel Your Winds of direction and encourage others waiting and hoping as I am, together, believing that You make all things good in Your perfect timing. Thank You Lord for being our Helper, then and now and always. Amen. 

                          

Praise You in the Storm

Casting Crowns 

Mind Full of TIME

Ecclesiastes 3:1 "There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven---."

What do people say about time?

"TIME flies when you're having fun."

"There is no TIME like the present."

"You are 'behind the TIMES' with that thinking."

TIME out, TIME served, crunch TIME.

TIME is money!

In the nick of TIME.

Save TIME.

TIME is of the essence...

It's only a matter of TIME.

What was that last one? ...Only a matter of TIME? Until what?

Solomon tells us, until your "appointed TIME, your event under heaven."

↔↔↔

Time flies.Ten years have whizzed by since that day my husband walked through the corridor to find me exiting the chapel in that out of the way hospital--to meet me---broken heart to broken heart, my oldest friend on one side of him, my younger son on the other.

The words at the moment, time shattering and for my moments to come, timeless.

"He didn't make it...He died."

Time stands still.

Since that TIME, I've pursued with every beat of my own heart... to make TIME count,

Double TIME...Well actually... triple TIME, for God, Timmy and myself.

↻↻↻

If you know me, you know I like things that symbolize, commemorate, honor; I'm a collector of keepsakes of TIME well spent.

This last Christmas, we purchased a faux Christmas tree--the first of any larger-sized, focal-point tree we've had since Tim passed away into God's Light, 10 years ago. We happened on it--the right TIME and place. The perfect skinny shape, size and price, it fit perfectly at the bottom of my staircase. After Christmas was over, New Year's Day past, all the decorations tucked away, there stood my cute,  snowy, glittery tree.

A Valentine's Day tree, I thought. It will commemorate that holiday and Tim's 10 years in Heaven--a good excuse to leave it up!  

So, I did just that, giving it and me...more TIME. After a few visits to the Dollar Tree (love that place), and a few things I've had over TIME, Timmy's Love Tree came together. For such a TIME as this, 10 years since his passing, a tree with roots of Love and branches that sparkle like Heaven shines, standing for the memory of our son in this anniversary month.

♡♡♡

What does ten years feel like? Like it just happened?  Yes, some days. The TIMES I have spent with God in healing and listening and reading His Word are immeasurable. In one quick moment, I can hear from the Lord and be uplifted and inspired the whole day. In other TIMES, I miss him so much I feel it physically. God is with me in both situations. TIME marches on, and moves closer to my own homecoming, my own appointed TIME. The cliche, TIME heals, may just give distance, a distance one has learned control in, but I can testify that TIME spent seeking God is what truly brings healing.

So, I make TIME to give Him glory for all He bestows, lavishs on me,  to bring me comfort and insight through all this TIME.

I believe God is pleased with how I have used my TIME to get to know Him more intimately, in ministry, my writing...my story, to make Him known.

⌛⌛⌛

Life is TIME consuming, especially with all the ways we get caught up in,  to waste TIME. I am encouraged by scripture which tells me:

Psalm 90:12 "So teach us to number our days that we may present to Thee a heart of wisdom."

Ephesians 1:9-10 "He made known to us the mystery of His will, according to His kind intention which He purposed in Him with a view to an administration suitable to the fullness of the TIMES, that is, the summing up of all things in Christ, things in the heavens and things upon the Earth, in Him." As a plan for the fullness of TIME, to unite all things in Him, things in heaven and things on earth."

11 Corinthians 6:2  For He says, "At the acceptable TIME I listened to you, and on the day of salvation I helped you. Behold now is the acceptable TIME; behold, now is the day of salvation." 

Father God, thank You for the TIME allotted to me to craft my writing skills and use them to give You glory. Help me Lord to fill my days, not with regrets but with anticipation of what You have in store for me. Thank You for my precious TIME with my son Timothy, even those really hard TIMES. Your will is good and perfect and I trust You in all things. Lord, for those whose days are numbered, (and that is every one of us), help us to draw closer to You and manage our TIME wisely, to include You in our day so that You can pour out Your blessings You have stored up for us. Lord, we do not know when our TIME is, nor do we know the appointed TIME of Your appearance again, but Lord, You ask only that we believe in Your earthly TIME as our Savior and Your Heavenly Time as our Father. Because we trust You, Your plans are good for our welfare and our future. Lord, thank You for the Eternal Time we will have with You in Heaven, for that is our Hope. Amen.

Better Is One Day ~ Kutless 

Timothy B. VanTilburg 

DOB 9-25-1980

Reached Heaven 2-27-2007 

A Step in the Right Direction

Proverbs 16:9 "The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his step."


An important ministry for women I and many others devote ourselves all year to is temporarily suspended due to unforeseen changes in administration. A search for new leadership and God's timely directive in it all awaits us. The last two events continued as scheduled and our ministry teams  stepped up to provide the support for each other to allow this amazing night to proceed. 

In the six years "Coffee Break" has taken place, this last Monday night astounded us in every aspect, with an affirmation that this particular event will continue, grow and inspire us to be authentic and obedient in telling our story for His glory. 

When man plans to honor the Lord, He will surely direct the steps towards success! It takes communication, trust, a passion and a lot of prayer when a challenge comes, but how would we ever grow or see the beauty of the path if we didn't stop and take it in, re-evaluate and rally for what we know is a beautiful road of hope. We encouraged each other to persevere. It was said, "Coffee Break is writing its own story," and I found that to be true. Through this challenge, I got to know a few other woman better, encourage one another all the more and see God's direction illuminated in our leadership; our purpose, to share the hope of the Gospel through testimony. 

We played a game that night. We had to place a paper plate on our head and with a pen, blindly draw a picture, one step given at a time. 

Draw the ground. Now draw a house. Draw a door on your house, add windows. Place a tree in your picture. Add a sun. Some clouds, etc. After we were finished, we all looked at our drawing, our scribbles, and determined if we placed our pens and drew the picture to look as if these icons appeared relatable. 

Sometimes, life seems like that. We are blindly trying to create a "picture" of what we think we want and we just can't imagine the finished result because it just seems like a finger-painting, not the Renoir we pictured. It can be frustrating. But God sees what we cannot. If we trust Him with our hand--our lives to continue to guide us and follow His directive, we can be assured that what He is creating in us is a masterpiece and reflective of His glory. Your sun might even have a smiling face and a butterfly grace your view of heaven. 

Last night my son left his friend's house a little too late, about an hours drive home. While getting on the two lane highway not known for its safety, a bad accident happened just ahead of him. Two cars collided head-on when one car made an obvious unsafe attempt to pass a big rig on a hill. There were fatalities and a closure of the highway. My son and several other drivers were stuck behind the  scene, unable to move, turn around or proceed anywhere. He sat in his car for the next 5 hours in the middle of the night in the cold desert. 

How do I know all this? He called me, I called him, he called me. All night long, I lay awake as he did, resting, but calling every hour or so to check on the progress, make sure he was safe and staying awake, and encouraged. Someone at home was waiting for him, he wasn't alone and though tragedy and wreckage surrounded him, love still lit up his phone. Concern and hope still encouraged him in this lonely frustrating time in which he had no control over. The Lord directed his steps to be behind the caution tape and not inside it. Thank you Lord!  

Father God, we thank you for teaching us to trust you when things just go another way, not as we planned. Help us Lord to keep that trust and grow that trust, encouraging one another in love and hope. Help us Lord to slow down and look for obstacles and not have head-on collisions with doubt and fear. When things get out of our own control, surround us with the right people to inspire us and lift us up to see where our eyes should keep focused. Even when we feel we can't see beyond our own limitations, help us Lord to keep at Your directives, Your loving words because with each faithful step, You Lord are creating in us something glorious, something the world can see a bit of You in, a pathway to Your door of everlasting and abundant life. Amen.