You Have Done Great Things

Luke 8:39 "Return to your house and describe what great things God has done for you." And he went away, proclaiming throughout the whole city what great things Jesus had done for him.

This is the story of the demon possessed man Jesus meets while in Gerasenes. As we read in Chapter 8 of the Gospel of Luke, the demons, "a legion" as described, recognized the Messiah and immediately wanted a way out. Just the sight of Jesus "brought torment" to their purpose as Jesus declared His authority. The surrender came quick as they begged to enter the swine feeding on a nearby hill. 

How appropriate. (No disrespect piggy fans). 

I always wondered. The swine became so agitated, they ran off the side of the cliff into the ocean and drowned. Did Jesus just finish carrying out his healing by the destruction of the demon possessed swine or did the swine just by nature, go crazy and stampede off the hill on their own because they became demon possessed?  

Either way, the demon possessed, crazy, tormented naked man, living in the tombs was now restored to sanity. Can you imagine witnessing all that? The people of the town did not take this too well. The scriptures tell us that they were "gripped with great fear." They wanted Jesus to leave. But, the healed man, all he wanted was to follow Jesus! 

Jesus, though, told the man of a different plan for him. He said, "Go home." We can  assume this meant--reconnect with your family and friends, build up trust again, discover what you've been missing, go have a nice, healthy life, you've been healed! He asked of him one thing, just tell people about what happened to you, tell them about the Great God who heals! 

~~~

We've been asked to return to our homes. The demon virus, COVID19 has possessed our world and caused sickness, fear--and death. As we are staying home, staying safe, I hope the many prayers God hears, call for Him to drown out this virus as well as the fearful voices of uncertainty, the voices that do not bring us hope. I pray for our sanity. 

Can you describe the Great things God has done for you? Can you begin to make a list? 
Maybe it's not casting out demons, but I know God brings healing, comfort, purpose, provision and grace upon amazing grace. He orchestrates Divine appointments and shows us His glory in nature. 

A few weeks back on a Saturday mid morning, my nephew and his new bride made a stop over, for no particular reason, a nice surprise. Chris, eating a take out meal he picked up, sat at the dining room table why Kylie and I went outside where work was going on in the garden, showing her some of our projects and flowers. 

She spotted it first. A huge Swallowtail butterfly flew through the orange tree. At first, she thought it was a bird, but as I went to grab my phone and take a better look--two swallowtails--engaged in mating, flew together. That's why it looked so large! One did all the flying for both of them. What a beautiful thing to see as they moved from tree to tree and rested inbetween as we snapped pictures. 

Many of you know the swallowtail butterfly is a grace gift of comfort to me received a few short months after our son Tim went to heaven--over and over again. 

I told Chris and Kylie that their cousin, my son, Timmy, was saying Hi, happy to see them."

It's all in the fun and the moment of making a connection and remembering our Tim. 

Chris and Kylie, one year married. 

As I contemplated sending  an e-mail today to a potential publisher, my phone rang, my nephew, Chris on the other end. 

"Hi Aunt Coke, how's it going? Kylie and I just want to tell you that everyday since we saw those butterflies at your house, we've seen the same kind at our house...yeah, like every day!" It's so cool!"  (Just one special encounter can make us very aware). 

I told him that when he sees one to know God loves him and He is always near as well as his cousin--his memory, family. God gave me opportunity to talk of Great things.

And God tells us to "return to your house and describe what great things God has done for you!" 

As I ended the phone call, I prayed for my family. As I typed out an e-mail, I remembered my son and my memoir I am hoping to get published, written from my home where gifts of comfort came flying in as I prayed for understanding and grace. 

Lord, As so many are home bound, my prayer remains for You to make a way into hearts and restore broken things, make our projects about our soul and our purpose, open our eyes to what has always been right in front of us, all around us, family, creation, memories and story---Your story becoming one with our story. You, God, are our Miracle, our Deliverer, casting out that which wants to drive us mad, all those worldy lies and directions. As believers, let us long to be by Your side, discovering all You are and let us speak of Your Goodness from our own rooftops, for You Lord are in all things and working in all things, all for Your glory. Thank You Lord for this time to bring You praise and worship as I anticipate all the Great Things still to come. Amen. 

Timmy and Chris as kiddos

You Have Done Great Things ~ Phil Wickham 

"...And I Remember You."

Philippians 1:3 "I thank God for all my remembrances of you."

The date my son,Timothy died and went to heaven is coming up next week, February 27th. It's been thirteen years. God is so good. He grants me glimpses of Heaven and the knowledge continually of His grace in many memories, moments and supernatural, amazing (never call them coincidences) events. The Holy Spirit speaks to my soul and encourages me: do not just trudge on, but move with purpose, find beauty in the ashes, gifts to make Me known in this life and share. I do this as I remember Tim and his life bringing great healing and a very special walk with the Lord. 

Of course, so like God, this week I received a few sweet moments that made me smile and think of Timmy. 

Tiana, Timmy's friend since kindergarten. 

On the first Mother's Day after his passing, I received a late night text from one of Tim's childhood school friends,Tiana-- just blessing me with sweet words of remembering me in my grief. I ended up writing a poem about that text and including it in my memoir.This week, she sent me a personal message, unknown to her, that the date of his death was only a few days away. The message along with a clip from a movie titled, "Almost Famous" --where the band and friends start to sing on the bus one by one, "Tiny Dancer," is included in the text.  There's a longer version of this story, but the fact that she sent me a message this week, brought a smile to my face, for her connection to Timmy and this song--a remembrance of Timmy very special for both of us. 

https://youtu.be/AwIQBgcYLrI   (Check out the clip here). 

Wedding Invitations from Kirk 

A beautiful wedding invitation came in the mail today, from Kirk and Valerie. Kirk, one of Tim's BFF's from junior high and high school holds a very special place in my heart. He has struggled in adulthood, and with the grace of God has persevered along with the love of family and friends. He knows I pray for him and God has granted us some good talks and transparent moments. Timmy, you will be with us at this covenant union. God is good. 

Snoopy, the Golfer. 

After Christmas, I sometimes shop on EBay to add to my Snoopy Christmas ornament collection. This year's (2019) ornament just happens to be a "Golfing Snoopy." You guessed it, it came today, and I'm going to leave it out on Tim's shelf for a bit. Tim loved to Golf. God is good. 

Monarch in the Making

Three weeks ago, I took a picture of a chrysalis in my butterfly memorial garden. I've been waiting for the butterfly's emergence.Today, the chrysalis is black and partly transparent. Although I do this on a regular basis, to have a chrysalis right now, and a butterfly ready to enter the world is special. I think it might happen tomorrow. I'll let you know. God is good. 

Psalms 77:12 says this: "I will meditate on all Thy work, and muse on Thy deeds." I am thinking of my son, but Oh, how I think even more on the magnificent, amazing gifts God grants me continually.  Even thirteen years later, He blesses me with continued hope and strength. I believe these messages from God the Spirit whisper to me, "You remember your son, and I, the Lord, remember you." God is good!  

Lord, You give us Eternity! How can I not praise You for this promise! Thank You for always remembering me in my grief moments, my remembering moments, my joyful moments, my (and there are many) human moments, my pondering and praying moments, and especially, my humble moments asking for forgiveness. You remember each one of us and love us all the same, yet, You minister and bless each of us individually, according to Your will and plan for us and do it abundantly!  God You are so Good. Help those that do know You Lord, to be humble, grateful and begin to make precious memories with You. Thank You for the 26 years I had with Tim and Thank You for every minute since he went to be with You, of Your remembrance of us all on the day You went to the Cross. Amen. 

Mind Full of TIME

Ecclesiastes 3:1 "There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven---."

What do people say about time?

"TIME flies when you're having fun."

"There is no TIME like the present."

"You are 'behind the TIMES' with that thinking."

TIME out, TIME served, crunch TIME.

TIME is money!

In the nick of TIME.

Save TIME.

TIME is of the essence...

It's only a matter of TIME.

What was that last one? ...Only a matter of TIME? Until what?

Solomon tells us, until your "appointed TIME, your event under heaven."

↔↔↔

Time flies.Ten years have whizzed by since that day my husband walked through the corridor to find me exiting the chapel in that out of the way hospital--to meet me---broken heart to broken heart, my oldest friend on one side of him, my younger son on the other.

The words at the moment, time shattering and for my moments to come, timeless.

"He didn't make it...He died."

Time stands still.

Since that TIME, I've pursued with every beat of my own heart... to make TIME count,

Double TIME...Well actually... triple TIME, for God, Timmy and myself.

↻↻↻

If you know me, you know I like things that symbolize, commemorate, honor; I'm a collector of keepsakes of TIME well spent.

This last Christmas, we purchased a faux Christmas tree--the first of any larger-sized, focal-point tree we've had since Tim passed away into God's Light, 10 years ago. We happened on it--the right TIME and place. The perfect skinny shape, size and price, it fit perfectly at the bottom of my staircase. After Christmas was over, New Year's Day past, all the decorations tucked away, there stood my cute,  snowy, glittery tree.

A Valentine's Day tree, I thought. It will commemorate that holiday and Tim's 10 years in Heaven--a good excuse to leave it up!  

So, I did just that, giving it and me...more TIME. After a few visits to the Dollar Tree (love that place), and a few things I've had over TIME, Timmy's Love Tree came together. For such a TIME as this, 10 years since his passing, a tree with roots of Love and branches that sparkle like Heaven shines, standing for the memory of our son in this anniversary month.

♡♡♡

What does ten years feel like? Like it just happened?  Yes, some days. The TIMES I have spent with God in healing and listening and reading His Word are immeasurable. In one quick moment, I can hear from the Lord and be uplifted and inspired the whole day. In other TIMES, I miss him so much I feel it physically. God is with me in both situations. TIME marches on, and moves closer to my own homecoming, my own appointed TIME. The cliche, TIME heals, may just give distance, a distance one has learned control in, but I can testify that TIME spent seeking God is what truly brings healing.

So, I make TIME to give Him glory for all He bestows, lavishs on me,  to bring me comfort and insight through all this TIME.

I believe God is pleased with how I have used my TIME to get to know Him more intimately, in ministry, my writing...my story, to make Him known.

⌛⌛⌛

Life is TIME consuming, especially with all the ways we get caught up in,  to waste TIME. I am encouraged by scripture which tells me:

Psalm 90:12 "So teach us to number our days that we may present to Thee a heart of wisdom."

Ephesians 1:9-10 "He made known to us the mystery of His will, according to His kind intention which He purposed in Him with a view to an administration suitable to the fullness of the TIMES, that is, the summing up of all things in Christ, things in the heavens and things upon the Earth, in Him." As a plan for the fullness of TIME, to unite all things in Him, things in heaven and things on earth."

11 Corinthians 6:2  For He says, "At the acceptable TIME I listened to you, and on the day of salvation I helped you. Behold now is the acceptable TIME; behold, now is the day of salvation." 

Father God, thank You for the TIME allotted to me to craft my writing skills and use them to give You glory. Help me Lord to fill my days, not with regrets but with anticipation of what You have in store for me. Thank You for my precious TIME with my son Timothy, even those really hard TIMES. Your will is good and perfect and I trust You in all things. Lord, for those whose days are numbered, (and that is every one of us), help us to draw closer to You and manage our TIME wisely, to include You in our day so that You can pour out Your blessings You have stored up for us. Lord, we do not know when our TIME is, nor do we know the appointed TIME of Your appearance again, but Lord, You ask only that we believe in Your earthly TIME as our Savior and Your Heavenly Time as our Father. Because we trust You, Your plans are good for our welfare and our future. Lord, thank You for the Eternal Time we will have with You in Heaven, for that is our Hope. Amen.

Better Is One Day ~ Kutless 

Timothy B. VanTilburg 

DOB 9-25-1980

Reached Heaven 2-27-2007 

The Day Dad Went to Heaven and the Day Mom Said I Believe.

I Corinthians 14:33a "For God is not a God of confusion but of peace..." 


The Lord comes in the transitions. He redeems in the wretched weariness of grief. He rescues the lost in the darkest hour and positions His sons and daughters as vessels for His will, His goodness.

Approaching the midnight hour, between what was and what will be, a long-suffering Believer arises in the hour of his restlessness, fixes some soup and sits, only to bow his head and meet His Maker. God comes in the transitions; in the in between moments of light passing to dark to Eternal Light again.

And we are left to cover Him with mercy and look for the window where we can bask in the sunlight of the promise of more mercy. The sun rises up and God gives us a new day and another purpose. Our prayers are specific and quick and God numbers each tear and places them in a jar of His amazing grace. It swells, saturated from years, yet every one is absorbed into His own Heart.

Redemption flies in like the flock of sparrows chirping in the tree outside the door. She does not  recognize herself, what was expected yet she did not expect, that for everything there is a season. Yet something draws her to ask.

I listen. I pray. We're all separated from him now and we grieve.

We're all separated from Him and He grieves for our own return.

She knows of Him, but never met Him. I introduce Him, the one who called her husband home.

"I believe, she says. He was a believer, but I...how can I do this? I don't know..."

HE KNOWS. 

Jesus came to break that separation, to fill us with hope for each new day...

that day called tomorrow that seems empty, the hour coming that seems impossible, the minute next that reminds us.

Grace flies in on wings of eagles and hope comes too,  knowing she'll be recognized by her prince and by her King.  She repeats her question again and I answer again.

...answer and reassure her again.

She asks her son if he believes because she never told him, she never taught him. "Yes mom, God is good."

And He does for us the same when we doubt, dwell in fear, garnish a moment of ungrace, reveal our own scarred flesh and want to reopen and reinfect those wounds.

We bring her into our home.  We partake in the Divine dinner and are filled with the sustenance of service of the Body of Christ.

She looks for him in the dark of the unknown, calls out his name.

The Lord calls out for us, the one lost sheep, and he guides us back to the protection of the flock.

The next day, she does what she knows, what she loves, nurturing the garden, culling the old leaves, pulling the weeds popping up.  The Lord sees her without a blemish and the weak will be made strong as I watch her break up the ground as if she is ready to plant.

Night comes again, that loneliness of unrest and confusion. Her grandson is called by an angel to go on a mission, but that is not the real mission. In his return, awake and available to intervene, God places him at the right time to usher in safety, protection and mercy.

A conversation happens. Insight. Clarity. Compassion, Understanding, Grace. Words I will hold onto forever. In her memory, it disappears in the morning mist and fog that hangs heavy in her mind. She readies herself to hear the Word of the Lord, to be in His House for the first time as a Believer.

Dad sings in the choir now.

A recent memory of him I will treasure; this last Christmas Eve, standing steady next to me, holding his unlit candle ready for the light of another to touch his,  and singing every word, "Silent Night...," "O Come All Ye Faithful."

Faith, the Scripture tells us, starts as small as a mustard seed, a bird seed. Yet Redemption is infinity, forever, unmeasurable. We plant it in deep, in the broken-up hard ground He promises to soften.  The gardeners gather around our plot in life to tend to us, and His Word seeps into the ground to find the seed and begin the sanctification of our lives, no matter how long we've waited, how long we have left. We ask for the tools, the wisdom to turn towards the SONshine, live and thrive in His Goodness,  gather in the rays and wait until our own time of Harvest comes around.

Thank you Lord. I am grateful to know the HOPE and PROMISE of a loving Savior. I am grateful that You allow us to be Your servant in the dark and into Your marvelous Light.

God is good all the time and all the time God is good.  You are my Prince of Peace. Amen.

~~~~      

Journal Questions for response or written thought: Where has God given you clarity in the darkness of your life?

When has a memory given you insight into something you sought an answer for?

Do you know the Prince of Peace? Do you need Him tonight, in your own darkness?

Scoring A Legacy Goal

Deuteronomy 32:7 "Remember the days of old, consider the years of all generations. Ask your father, and he will inform you, your elders and they will tell you." 

Every four years, like the Olympics, it's time for the World Cup. In case you are thinking this has something to do with Starbucks or Victoria Secret...it's about a little sport called SOCCER. That's what we call it here in America. Around the world it's called FUTBOL! Number one most beloved sport internationally, its been a slow but steady rise catching on here in the states with AYSO and Club leagues. We still lack when it comes to FAN-atical followers. (with the exception of David Beckham--Ha!)

I am reminded of one of my first "newsletters" I compiled;  PRE-blog writing. Covering the sport of soccer in my own international family and all my boys who played including my Father-in-law in his home country of The Netherlands. I am re-posting it here for your enjoyment.  (Sorry it's a little small, but I did my best to convert it here).

Good luck to all the players in the World Cup. Happy Father's Day to all the dads who kick balls around with their sons and daughters, whatever kind of ball. Bless the spectators and soccer moms whose cheers, snacks and van pools get the team where they need to be, energized and refreshed. Every player is a winner!

                         JUNE, 2008!

The red sidebar talks about my husband's illustrious career playing and coaching soccer. Ranked the #1 goalie in California, he earned a scholarship to Keene State in New Hampshire. America's version of FOOTBALL, took out his knee and thus the east coast never materialized. He went on to continue his love of the sport,  coaching and reffing; excellent and admired in both. The black and white photo is a picture of my Father-in-law's team, "The Drafted"in The Netherlands, 1952. Johannes VanTilburg in the black, also a goalie, fathered the legacy of the sport in our family.

Today, my father-in-law sits in his recliner, no recollection of yesterday or even if he ate breakfast this morning. He'd be happy to know The Netherlands won 5 -1 today against last year's World Cup Champion, Spain. We will tell him the results, tell him again tomorrow, help him find the channel. Soon enough, he'll want to get on a bike and pedal to practice.

Like life, family legacies can be both positive and negative. Scripture tells us here to "consider"...talk to, think about, ask for the stories, the memories, record things and get a better picture of who you are based on the experiences of your forefathers. Maybe you'll decide to make some changes, maybe you'll just want to strengthen ties by what you have learned.

Maybe this means a prodical returns home.

Maybe, you'll forgive.

Maybe, you'll ask for forgiveness.

Maybe you'll be healed, a restored legacy.

Whatever the score, God will be cheering you on from the sidelines.


Thank you Lord for family legacy. Lord, we know wisdom comes when we are willing to listen to the advice of another generation and appreciate, maybe even come to understand the sacrifices, decisions and memories, filtering it through our own Heavenly Father.  I pray for a legacy in my own family, like that of Joshua 24:15 which states, "as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." For myself,  there is no greater legacy and only through Your sustaining Grace, may I continue to strive for this very thing, all to Your glory, Amen.