"...And I Remember You."

Philippians 1:3 "I thank God for all my remembrances of you."

The date my son,Timothy died and went to heaven is coming up next week, February 27th. It's been thirteen years. God is so good. He grants me glimpses of Heaven and the knowledge continually of His grace in many memories, moments and supernatural, amazing (never call them coincidences) events. The Holy Spirit speaks to my soul and encourages me: do not just trudge on, but move with purpose, find beauty in the ashes, gifts to make Me known in this life and share. I do this as I remember Tim and his life bringing great healing and a very special walk with the Lord. 

Of course, so like God, this week I received a few sweet moments that made me smile and think of Timmy. 

Tiana, Timmy's friend since kindergarten. 

On the first Mother's Day after his passing, I received a late night text from one of Tim's childhood school friends,Tiana-- just blessing me with sweet words of remembering me in my grief. I ended up writing a poem about that text and including it in my memoir.This week, she sent me a personal message, unknown to her, that the date of his death was only a few days away. The message along with a clip from a movie titled, "Almost Famous" --where the band and friends start to sing on the bus one by one, "Tiny Dancer," is included in the text.  There's a longer version of this story, but the fact that she sent me a message this week, brought a smile to my face, for her connection to Timmy and this song--a remembrance of Timmy very special for both of us. 

https://youtu.be/AwIQBgcYLrI   (Check out the clip here). 

Wedding Invitations from Kirk 

A beautiful wedding invitation came in the mail today, from Kirk and Valerie. Kirk, one of Tim's BFF's from junior high and high school holds a very special place in my heart. He has struggled in adulthood, and with the grace of God has persevered along with the love of family and friends. He knows I pray for him and God has granted us some good talks and transparent moments. Timmy, you will be with us at this covenant union. God is good. 

Snoopy, the Golfer. 

After Christmas, I sometimes shop on EBay to add to my Snoopy Christmas ornament collection. This year's (2019) ornament just happens to be a "Golfing Snoopy." You guessed it, it came today, and I'm going to leave it out on Tim's shelf for a bit. Tim loved to Golf. God is good. 

Monarch in the Making

Three weeks ago, I took a picture of a chrysalis in my butterfly memorial garden. I've been waiting for the butterfly's emergence.Today, the chrysalis is black and partly transparent. Although I do this on a regular basis, to have a chrysalis right now, and a butterfly ready to enter the world is special. I think it might happen tomorrow. I'll let you know. God is good. 

Psalms 77:12 says this: "I will meditate on all Thy work, and muse on Thy deeds." I am thinking of my son, but Oh, how I think even more on the magnificent, amazing gifts God grants me continually.  Even thirteen years later, He blesses me with continued hope and strength. I believe these messages from God the Spirit whisper to me, "You remember your son, and I, the Lord, remember you." God is good!  

Lord, You give us Eternity! How can I not praise You for this promise! Thank You for always remembering me in my grief moments, my remembering moments, my joyful moments, my (and there are many) human moments, my pondering and praying moments, and especially, my humble moments asking for forgiveness. You remember each one of us and love us all the same, yet, You minister and bless each of us individually, according to Your will and plan for us and do it abundantly!  God You are so Good. Help those that do know You Lord, to be humble, grateful and begin to make precious memories with You. Thank You for the 26 years I had with Tim and Thank You for every minute since he went to be with You, of Your remembrance of us all on the day You went to the Cross. Amen. 

Intentionally Finding the Shadows

Psalm 91:4  "He will cover you with His pinions and under His wings you may seek refuge; His faithfulness is a shield and a bulwark. 

Many of you know I planted a butterfly garden a few years back in my son's memory, but even more so for God's glory and inspiration. I frequently take pictures and post them, capturing the Monarch in his life cycle. The milkweed plant I added to the garden last year draws the butterflies in as they drink from the nectar of the flower and lay their eggs on the leaves. I've watched many caterpillars grow larger in their diligence of eating the leaves in preparation for their next life. Purchasing a butterfly tent, one lucky fellow emerged from his chrysalis inside my home. Though I missed the event, he graced me with the experience of holding him and setting him (or her) free, back into the garden.

So, I thought I'd try it again, and bring a chrysalis inside. This one never emerged. 

That happens. As I've been reading, not all caterpillars make it, get to actually become the Monarch they were meant to be. They didn't consume enough,  get fat enough, have the strength inside the chrysalis to complete the transformation. They just were not equipped for the change about to come. 

Oh, how I can relate to that scenario...

With all the numerous Monarchs gracing my yard at any given moment, one would think I have a ton of caterpillars as well. I watch for them, but those too, fight to survive. Wasps seem to also enjoy the Milkweed plant, as well as ladybugs. The eggs get consumed. The strong and/or the purposed find their way to survival. I see that the leaves are munched on and I have faith that the caterpillars, one by one as I locate them, will continue to thrive. I may find 2 or 3, sometimes as many as 10...and then suddenly, they are gone.

Where did they go?  

It is their time. They find a quiet place, away from the milkweed and search for the perfect spot in which to grow and change. Like a baby being fed, they are ready to take on solid food so to speak, their purpose, discover their destiny and true beauty after a season of survival and grace. Why stay a baby? There is so much more!  It's in their DNA!  They don't fight it, it is what is to be!

I have found the chrysalis in many places, some totally outside of the butterfly garden.  On a thorny rose stem, under the lip of a pot, attached to a cross beam of a fence, the bright green chrysalis hangs and waits.

This week, something very cool happened. I spotted a chrysalis hanging from another butterfly! Across from the butterfly garden is a pot with some newly planted Plumeria beginning to sprout. Also,  stuck inside this terra cotta pot, two garden stakes, one purple and one traditional colors of the Monarch. This caterpillar crawled across the warm sidewalk, up the pot, into the dirt and up the stake to the wing of something he recognized, a glimpse of His own image to come. Why wouldn't he want to do his transforming under the wings of this great one?

When showing my friend who came to visit, he said, "Wow, that took a lot of effort to get there." It does seem intentional, doesn't it?

Let me ask you...is the effort worth it? To crawl, run, curl up, reach for, embrace yourself in the Wings of our Maker? He is the One who created you in His image and for His purposes. Do you want to just stay a baby, hoping for more milk while battling the wasps of this world who so easily carry us away, the carnivores who consume our time and leave us hopeless, drained of life?

As for me, I choose, very intentionally, to be under the shadow of His wings, for there is where I find grace, purpose, beauty in the transformation and hope. Every inch of getting there and the detours...even the hardest and darkest of places to get through-- are all worth the victory today and into eternity.

Thank you Lord, that I can see Your intention for me, Your direction, Your will. Though rust and moths, disease and disrespect,  rejection and hurt,  insecurities and disappointment want to discourage along the way, I know that Truth stands tall and I have my eyes on You. Help me, help us Lord, everyday to be intentional in our worship and in our lives to reflect all You created us to be and thank You that I can find rest under Your wings, all for Your Glory, Amen

My Savior's Shadow ~ Blake Shelton