"...And I Remember You."

Philippians 1:3 "I thank God for all my remembrances of you."

The date my son,Timothy died and went to heaven is coming up next week, February 27th. It's been thirteen years. God is so good. He grants me glimpses of Heaven and the knowledge continually of His grace in many memories, moments and supernatural, amazing (never call them coincidences) events. The Holy Spirit speaks to my soul and encourages me: do not just trudge on, but move with purpose, find beauty in the ashes, gifts to make Me known in this life and share. I do this as I remember Tim and his life bringing great healing and a very special walk with the Lord. 

Of course, so like God, this week I received a few sweet moments that made me smile and think of Timmy. 

Tiana, Timmy's friend since kindergarten. 

On the first Mother's Day after his passing, I received a late night text from one of Tim's childhood school friends,Tiana-- just blessing me with sweet words of remembering me in my grief. I ended up writing a poem about that text and including it in my memoir.This week, she sent me a personal message, unknown to her, that the date of his death was only a few days away. The message along with a clip from a movie titled, "Almost Famous" --where the band and friends start to sing on the bus one by one, "Tiny Dancer," is included in the text.  There's a longer version of this story, but the fact that she sent me a message this week, brought a smile to my face, for her connection to Timmy and this song--a remembrance of Timmy very special for both of us. 

https://youtu.be/AwIQBgcYLrI   (Check out the clip here). 

Wedding Invitations from Kirk 

A beautiful wedding invitation came in the mail today, from Kirk and Valerie. Kirk, one of Tim's BFF's from junior high and high school holds a very special place in my heart. He has struggled in adulthood, and with the grace of God has persevered along with the love of family and friends. He knows I pray for him and God has granted us some good talks and transparent moments. Timmy, you will be with us at this covenant union. God is good. 

Snoopy, the Golfer. 

After Christmas, I sometimes shop on EBay to add to my Snoopy Christmas ornament collection. This year's (2019) ornament just happens to be a "Golfing Snoopy." You guessed it, it came today, and I'm going to leave it out on Tim's shelf for a bit. Tim loved to Golf. God is good. 

Monarch in the Making

Three weeks ago, I took a picture of a chrysalis in my butterfly memorial garden. I've been waiting for the butterfly's emergence.Today, the chrysalis is black and partly transparent. Although I do this on a regular basis, to have a chrysalis right now, and a butterfly ready to enter the world is special. I think it might happen tomorrow. I'll let you know. God is good. 

Psalms 77:12 says this: "I will meditate on all Thy work, and muse on Thy deeds." I am thinking of my son, but Oh, how I think even more on the magnificent, amazing gifts God grants me continually.  Even thirteen years later, He blesses me with continued hope and strength. I believe these messages from God the Spirit whisper to me, "You remember your son, and I, the Lord, remember you." God is good!  

Lord, You give us Eternity! How can I not praise You for this promise! Thank You for always remembering me in my grief moments, my remembering moments, my joyful moments, my (and there are many) human moments, my pondering and praying moments, and especially, my humble moments asking for forgiveness. You remember each one of us and love us all the same, yet, You minister and bless each of us individually, according to Your will and plan for us and do it abundantly!  God You are so Good. Help those that do know You Lord, to be humble, grateful and begin to make precious memories with You. Thank You for the 26 years I had with Tim and Thank You for every minute since he went to be with You, of Your remembrance of us all on the day You went to the Cross. Amen. 

The Prayer Garden

Psalm 5:3 In the morning, O Lord, Thou wilt hear my voice; in the morning I will order my prayer to Thee and eagerly watch. 

I don't know why, but something called me outside this morning. I knew what that meant--I'd be lolly gagging with the flowers and bugs and not getting my walk in before the heat. Still cool, I grabbed my coffee and camera and went out back to sit and chat with the Lord. A dialogue happens while walking too, but a garden...well it just seems like a natural place to connect. 

OK God, here's the deal. You are so awesome in all things that You orchestrated this week. How can I not trust you?  And here I am, asking for just that, ... a little more faith, guidance, some peace.

The Tiger Swallowtail moves in on the end of that thought and for once...actually lands and stays on a zinnia right in front of me. I know this guys name for sure. He's been with me for 8 years now, coming alongside me in my grief, healing and purpose. I take his picture in his graceful pose and I name him Grace butterfly. I feel the bubbling up of faith and trust and I can't help but be thankful. 

In less than the time it takes to fly from one flower to the next, his buddy comes soaring in. Bright orange and white, I am thinking it is a Monarch.  Making his appearance quite regularly these last few weeks, today he is not at all camera shy. Diving in, he takes a look around and pops over the fence, around the tree and continues the relay. I hear God tell me something;  this guy has a different name. The butterfly provides for me an opportunity to take his picture many times. His name is Provision. 

How many more can I capture this morning Lord? What else are you giving me, that I asked for, sought for, knocked this morning for?  I am overwhelmed and blessed. 

When we think we don't have any peace, maybe we're just focusing on the negative, not seeing the goodness. It's there, really. Push back the clutter, the midnight minions that worry us  and ask God to open up your eyes to see Him. He waits for the discovery, down in the mess of fallen leaves...but also near the root, where life springs forth. 

The white flag of peace, waving in the earth, another attribute of the Lord along with His sovereign Grace and Provision. When I look in my garden at any given time, I see these guys. They love to fly in pairs, playing off each other and enjoying the flowers.  Now I name her Peace. She flies through and I know she wants to visit everywhere;  to go around the world in her life time,  fly into classrooms and executive board meetings, into huts and alleys, homeless shelters and NICU's, cemeteries and slums, GOP debates and over oceans where people are lost or sailing away to look for her. Peace, it's not elusive. It's so much like the butterfly, something that became transformed, a beautiful hope. 

The hummingbird reminds me to keep busy, keep praying, keep believing, knowing and sharing the GRACE that meets me every morning.  He hears my prayers and PROVIDES His mercy, within His will and timing. It is OK that I ask Him again, for I am weak at times, many times...I live in this crazy world, still human every morning but graced. Each day I ask for continued strength. The PEACE of God, I read and cling to in His Word and know it. I recognize His voice.  He promises that His goodness is sufficient. I am among the transformed and He gave me a new name as well. I continue to eagerly watch  and listen to His voice of Love. 

These guys, clipper butterflies, too numerous to count, I named my  PRAYER WARRIORS; my church, my closest friends here and a far. I love you and your strength. Your  love and support in return cannot be captured in a blog or a few pictures. 

Lord, I am just thankful for so much this week. To want to express it in my writing, sometimes  does not feel like enough. I never want to stop being overwhelmed by the Holy Spirit and how You minister to me. Keep flying in Lord.  What ever words I can come up with, may it be all for Your Glory. Not just working in me, but  Lord, my family is seeing You as well. Your goodness flies all over this world and may those who seek your GRACE, Your PROVISION, Your strength in FELLOWSHIP  and Your PEACE, find it soon and continue until Your Glory returns. Amen.  

~~~

When I came in from my garden, the morning sun ablaze now, I postponed my walk.  Logging  back into my Facebook account, an old classmate sent me this picture, the exclamation mark to my prayers.  God is good.