A Patio of Sorrows Promises a Journey Home

Revelation 21:4 And He shall wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there shall no longer be any death; there shall no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away. 

We're in the midst of it, yet we remain isolated, separated from it. My mother-in-law is 86 years old and suffers from dementia for many years now. Within her memory care facility, COVID19 infected a few staff and then several residents, my mother-in-law included. 

Transferred to the local community hospital, she received care and did not require a ventilator. No visitations are allowed--continuing the long months we have not physically seen her since this pandemic began. 

My dear friend's daughter is a nurse at this hospital, like an angel sent to keep an eye, a wing over her. We receive the reports every day, her condition, her confusion, her despair, her fear, her rebellion and defiance, her longing to go "home," the doctor calling my brother-in-law. Could that be her childhood home in the Netherlands? Could that be sixty years ago in Culver City when she first immigrated to America? Now she is silent and refusing to eat. 

Home is where one feels safe, protected, surrounded by loved ones. 

Happy. 

She returns home, but it is back to the memory care facility, to a special ward they have set up for "returning" COVID19 patients, for now. It is not the HOME we long for, the place where beauty displays beyond our imaginations, where perfection and all its Glory outshines the sun, where all things are aligned and make sense and we see the purpose in everything, where Jesus and His Grace envelop our Spirit and Love wipes away, disinfects hate forever and ever. 

And so we wait over here, while she is over there, and we pray that she will receive mercy to get home, the Heavenly Home awaiting her where her husband waits, her grandson prepares, Her Heavenly Father hears our prayers. 

I remember the day very well, the day she knew her husband definetly went to heaven, but she did not think, had no assurance she would be "so lucky." 

It had only been a few hours since my father-in-law peacefully got up out of bed in the middle of the night, made himself some soup, sat in his recliner and went to be with the Lord. In the beginning stages of dementia, and in her confusion, she asked me about Heaven, how she could make sure she could see Dad again. 

The birds chirped loudly in the trees as we sat in her small patio. I asked her the questions one asks when sharing the Good News. Do you believe in God, Mom? We cannot have communion with God because of our sin, it has separated us from Him. Do you know why Jesus came Mom? 

She began to talk of her childhood, how she walked herself to Sunday School in the Netherlands, but no one in her family went. She learned a little about God, maybe Jesus. The need for religion or any church affiliation in adulthood only came when convenient, sponsorship by the Luthren Church to come to America, weddings, babtisms, funerals.  My Father-in-law was Catholic, and "he was a good man," she repeated over and over to me in her tears and her overwhelming fears. 

We talked for some time as I held her hands and asked if she wanted to pray, confess her sin, ask Jesus into her heart and have the hope of Heaven. In her thick accent, she pleaded with me to pray and I told her she could repeat the words I said and believe with all her heart that God would hear her. 

And so we did. On the same morning my father-in-law entered Heaven himself, she, even in her confusion and dementia, made Peace with the heavenly Father. 

Isaiah 49:13b "For the Lord has comforted His people, and will have compassion on the afflicted." 

As we returned into the apartment, my husband sitting in Dad's chair, she patted his shoulders and in tears, apologized to her son. 

""I didn't tell you Teddy, I didn't know...I'm so sorry, I never told you about God...Teddy, do you know?" 

My husband, looking up at his mother, in a bit of a surprise, tells her that he knows God, he has salvation, reassuring her that God is good. 

The years go by and her dementia initiates more change and the move to the memory care facility. She no longer knows her grandchildren, her 5 great grand children are a mystery. Her fear overwhelms her and her tears are always evident. Every minute is brand new from the previous one. She won't remember yesterday, a fog of what happened five minutes ago. 

She hugged and loved on me though, in her dementia more than she ever did in her lifetime of having me as her daughter-in-law. 

My tears are evident when I leave her, though I know she is safe. 

And I know as we wait for this next chapter, God, because He is full of Grace, will honor her prayer in the patio of sorrows, welcoming her home. It will be in heaven where she will learn of His character, of His sovereignty, of the stories and the orchestrations. It is there she will meet the saints, hear the choirs, be a part of the Body of Christ and maybe attend Sunday School again, have a ministry.  

I like to think on that, what she has to look forward to. 

Father God, thank You for the opportunity to share the hope of Your Son on that very sad, bittersweet day. I will never forget our precious words together, my mother-in-law and me and Your amazing grace. Today, as we learn of her entering hospice care and we cannot be with her, we ask for Your comfort and peace as You prepare her for eternity and a reunion. May we be ever cognizant of the moments to share the Good News of the Gospel with those You place in our path. May those who know You Lord, never waste a moment not wanting to know You more. This breaks my heart for He longs to give us so much more if we just trust Him. Grace for Salvation is all sufficient, but Sustaining Grace gives us the abundant life promised and a fulfillment of His perfect Will.  Lord, please bless my bother-in-law and his family for he has worked tiredlessly guiding the decisions and doing all the paperwork for her care. Thank You Lord and bless the nurses and doctors in this COVID19 pandemic and all of her previous care. Thank you especially for Nurse Carissa being near to my mother-in-law and all the staff at the hospital. Thank You Lord for the promise of Heaven and for Your comfort and strength for all the days ahead until we too, are Heaven Bound. Amen. 

Of Hospice, Homecomings and His Peace.

Isaiah 26: 3-4a The steadfast of mind Thou wilt keep in perfect peace because he trusts in Thee. Trust in the Lord forever." 

Hospice made their welcome in our lives this week, attending to my father-in-law. Considering his age, health and stress of the last 10 years, he declines each week. Memory only of the moment we're in or of a past in the old country far away, we prepare for the next phase.  My mother-in-law struggles to accept anything, any help, any reality;  her mind rages in fear and distrust, she too with scattered thoughts, unable to reason--the ravages of dementia. She fights the system we put into place, without peace of mind or soul. Unfortunately, this could mean Hospice may move my father-in-law to a safer environment. We'll deal with that when it comes.

It's worn on us as well, but God, our strength-giver, lights our path.  We know in our heart that we want the best in comfort and care in these days, to lessen the friction, struggle and pain; to have above all else, their peace as well as our own peace of mind.

~~~

Homecoming at the school I work at,  happened this week. Manning the ticket gate on the opposing side, I partnered with a new person I never met face to face on campus.  She works as a secretary in the asst. principal's office and fairly new to our campus.  I'm not in that office very much.

 Full of personality, we hit it off right away and before the first kick-off, she knew a lot about me and visa-vera. We bonded quickly over a common heartache, the loss of a son. Attending Chino High in her youth, she also shared the same class as Tim, my son!

Most of the time, I am a storyteller, but to be a storyteller, you must also prepare yourself for listening as well. She told me right away, that the passing of her 2 day-old son had a story.  She began sharing a very personal journey with me. Just meeting, maybe an hour earlier, her story, both sad and miraculous, weaves a tapestry of strength, courage, forgiveness and a family bond that reaches into eternity. She is at peace.

Believing we were meant to work together (as she was called in at the last minute) and meet, that made me feel awesome! I hope one day with her permission, I can share her story. I love meeting new friends!

A little later, the security guard from the district came up to chat with us, and I recognized that face. Danny Q. attended school with Tim from K-12! I introduced Danny to my new friend Nicole, as they did not know each other in High School. Danny, called in to provide an extra amount of manpower, to keep the peace among the fans, parents and outsiders, smiled as he remembered his friend Timmy in younger days.

Nicole and I did a very good job keeping youngsters from wondering out of the gates. Once in, you stayed in. I hope that gives some parents peace of mind.

Last week, we celebrated Tim's birthday, our son who passed away 7 years ago. As we were leaving to drive up north for our 2nd day of celebration, I noticed the flower growing from the divide between the cement of the driveway and the slab of the garage. Funny how a seed falls and finds its way, when seemingly inpossible, to send down roots and thrive outside a comfort zone, a less than peaceful spot where cars zoom in and out and people walk. It did and indeed,  blooms!

Peace of mind. When our trust is anchored to the Creator, the Lord God Almighty, we can be assured of His peace, no matter what the circumstances. When we pay attention to His workings, His divine appointments, even His interventions, we can know His peace. When our heart is troubled for lost loved ones, overwhelmed with care of the obstinate and diseased, the depressed and the disabled, let not our hope fade in Jesus Christ, our provider of peace. He will give us a peace the world does not understand and the will to carry on. You can choose to be angry, fight the ones you love for control and ignore God, the maker and giver of Peace, or you can surrender, lean into Him and ask Him to show you the road towards peace, peace of mind, peace of soul. You make the choice.

Father, Giver and Ruler of all that is Peace, thank you for Hospice and for trained professionals that can take charge when all is weary; when words struggle to make sense. Thank you for divine appointments that turn into testimonies and for reminders of youthful days. Thank you for peace keepers and promises of peace. Help us Lord to be peacemakers and to honor You with our stories and our own miraculous Peace that passes understanding through our testimony of faith. Every good gift comes from above, from Your Spirit and Your blessings in our life when we put our trust in You. Amen.

Scoring A Legacy Goal

Deuteronomy 32:7 "Remember the days of old, consider the years of all generations. Ask your father, and he will inform you, your elders and they will tell you." 

Every four years, like the Olympics, it's time for the World Cup. In case you are thinking this has something to do with Starbucks or Victoria Secret...it's about a little sport called SOCCER. That's what we call it here in America. Around the world it's called FUTBOL! Number one most beloved sport internationally, its been a slow but steady rise catching on here in the states with AYSO and Club leagues. We still lack when it comes to FAN-atical followers. (with the exception of David Beckham--Ha!)

I am reminded of one of my first "newsletters" I compiled;  PRE-blog writing. Covering the sport of soccer in my own international family and all my boys who played including my Father-in-law in his home country of The Netherlands. I am re-posting it here for your enjoyment.  (Sorry it's a little small, but I did my best to convert it here).

Good luck to all the players in the World Cup. Happy Father's Day to all the dads who kick balls around with their sons and daughters, whatever kind of ball. Bless the spectators and soccer moms whose cheers, snacks and van pools get the team where they need to be, energized and refreshed. Every player is a winner!

                         JUNE, 2008!

The red sidebar talks about my husband's illustrious career playing and coaching soccer. Ranked the #1 goalie in California, he earned a scholarship to Keene State in New Hampshire. America's version of FOOTBALL, took out his knee and thus the east coast never materialized. He went on to continue his love of the sport,  coaching and reffing; excellent and admired in both. The black and white photo is a picture of my Father-in-law's team, "The Drafted"in The Netherlands, 1952. Johannes VanTilburg in the black, also a goalie, fathered the legacy of the sport in our family.

Today, my father-in-law sits in his recliner, no recollection of yesterday or even if he ate breakfast this morning. He'd be happy to know The Netherlands won 5 -1 today against last year's World Cup Champion, Spain. We will tell him the results, tell him again tomorrow, help him find the channel. Soon enough, he'll want to get on a bike and pedal to practice.

Like life, family legacies can be both positive and negative. Scripture tells us here to "consider"...talk to, think about, ask for the stories, the memories, record things and get a better picture of who you are based on the experiences of your forefathers. Maybe you'll decide to make some changes, maybe you'll just want to strengthen ties by what you have learned.

Maybe this means a prodical returns home.

Maybe, you'll forgive.

Maybe, you'll ask for forgiveness.

Maybe you'll be healed, a restored legacy.

Whatever the score, God will be cheering you on from the sidelines.


Thank you Lord for family legacy. Lord, we know wisdom comes when we are willing to listen to the advice of another generation and appreciate, maybe even come to understand the sacrifices, decisions and memories, filtering it through our own Heavenly Father.  I pray for a legacy in my own family, like that of Joshua 24:15 which states, "as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." For myself,  there is no greater legacy and only through Your sustaining Grace, may I continue to strive for this very thing, all to Your glory, Amen.

 

Rock of the Aged

Malachi 4:6 "He will restore the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of the children to their fathers."


In recent months, the past experiences and defined roles of children and parents, reversed. My husband's mother and father awake to a time in their life when decisions become wreckless, memory escapes them,  anxiety and fear walk with them in every feeble step,  and restless lonliness seem their only companion. New responsibilities and awareness, along with the tangible hands-on activities of  provider/caretaker progress despite high resistance. Yes, a burden we are enduring with God's wisdom and patience.

Still possessing a driver's license, small trips turned into hours of driving lost and confused. The last time, in early summer, they went missing for over a day and a half. Found somewhat safe, no where near their original destination, it became apparent that driving privleges needed to be voided; not by them, but by us (and the police) after this very worrisome and dangerous outing.

Mom and Dad refuse to understand, to accept many facts. Their unpleasant words, and defiance at our attempt to help them and care for them becomes an emotional place where God must intervene, for our tender hearts and minds remember something...someone different.

Providentially, a wonderful man at our church has started workshops for support and answers to many questions dealing with the elderly and dementia.  My brother-in-law received wise counsel and legal advise from his circle of church friends. We talk frequently and move forward, all on the same page to accomplish their complete care despite all the "kicking and screaming."

After the incident when they went missing, God brought a wonderful verse to me in my morning devotions, Psalm 149:4 (NASV): "He will beautify the afflicted ones with salvation." As scripture does so perfectly, it spoke to me, as He has in other situations. The Lord's got this.

 I cannot know how or begin to understand His plan and purpose, but know that Christ endured the Cross for us in love despite His painful scourgings, his beard ripped out, his side pierced. Then he went to the Cross where our own "afflictions" became beautified.  Believing in that great love, we receive the power of the Holy Spirit to endure, to gain wisdom, to have Hope, when others do not.  We need to exemplify that Hope in every touch, every word, every decision we make, to be the Christ to other's who do not know Him.

While digging up a flower bed this last week, my spade hit a little rock. I dug it up and put it aside with my other gardening debris. When I went to clean up, I picked up the rock and brushed off the dirt chunks around it. It was a perfectly shaped heart. Dark and buried, but still, a heart-shape, my mind immediatley thought about my in-laws.  God beautifies even dark and hard hearts and I shall plant the flowers of grace around it.

Father God, fill our hearts with right thinking, with words that soothe and with compassion. We pray for your protection from those who choose to take advantage, who elicit entitlement, and wish to deceive. Guide us to encouragement through Your Godly wisdom. May minds be clear enough to understand love of family, the love of God. Amen.