Leap Day of Faith

Psalm 90:12 "So teach us to number our days, that we may present to Thee a heart of wisdom."


February is the shortest month, only 28 days. Wow! What just happened? I just packed up my Christmas stuff!  March sweeps in to cheer us and bless us after we were loved on by February.

---and all those mattress sales for President's Day!   

Time flies, an idiom all too many of us can relate to.  

We've been given a gift this year; February of 2020 is a Leap Year. An extra day is added to the calendar "to slow down and synchronize the calendar year with the seasons. Leap days were first added to the Julian Calendar in 46 B.C. by Julius Caesar at the advice of Sosigenes, an Alexandrian astronomer." (Earthsky.org). 

As I walked outside tonight, thoughtful and prayerful, but yet still leaving to run an errand, busyness--I paused in awe of the heavens and all its glory. 

That is the juxtaposing moments of life: moving, checking things off real or virtual lists, preparing, working and then relaxing, pondering, being entertained. You know your own day, the planned and sometimes the unplanned. 

The Psalmist asks the Father first, to teach us. We make time in our schedule where we sit under the anointed sharing and applying of His Word. God set aside the Sabbath day, or for most, Sundays for corporate worship. Spending  time with God in my morning drive, in my afternoon conversations and in my evening prayers as well as being reminded of truth in His word is essential for me in my everyday commitment to grow and know Him. Yet, there are those days... 

I pray to be teachable everyday, to be in His Word so that I can have that wisdom in my heart when I need it, when time stands still, when time runs out, when time isn't an option. 

Then the Psalmist says..."teach me to number my days." Well, don't we do this with a calendar, now on our phones and readily available? The Psalmist seems to know and in his wisdom is asking God to help him make the best out of each day, for he knows his time is short as compared to eternity. 

In Psalm 39:4 it states it this way, "Lord, make me know my end and what is the extent of my days. Let me know how transient I am." 

If the calendar gave us one extra day this month, sort of like "more time," I'd hope to use it to better myself, gain more wisdom, recognize my weak, transient ways and more importantly, where my everyday strength comes from. In other words, an extra day to give Him praise and seek His will. 

"If I just had one more day..." 

Think how you might end that sentence. We cannot live victoriously in Christ with regrets. Jesus Christ, on that one day ordained for Him to die and on the third day promised and fulfilled that promise when He conquered all of time and eternity, rising from the dead. He gave us a gift of eternity free from regrets. If we recognize and ponder on this marvelous gift, how much of our time is spent in wanting to know Him more and do His will, give Him the praise He so deserves? How much of our time is wasted? 

Lord, time is fleeting. Our days are numbered. Moments are precious with loved ones and friends. Sometimes, I feel I am in catch-up mode for those times wasted. Lord, I know that You can do exponential things in a heart that humbly submits and seeks Your goodness. You redeem all our days! Lord, help us all to take a "Leap of Faith" and lay down some of our busyness, our apathy and our self-righteous attitudes that we just "don't have time." A sacrificial heart is one You delight in. May my days reflect Your goodness and grace in each day You have given me to make Your Name known.Thank You for my hard days and my glory days, Lord, for both, teach me Your wisdom and empower me with Your strength as my days draw nearer to seeing You, face to face. Amen. 

Morning Glory 

"...And I Remember You."

Philippians 1:3 "I thank God for all my remembrances of you."

The date my son,Timothy died and went to heaven is coming up next week, February 27th. It's been thirteen years. God is so good. He grants me glimpses of Heaven and the knowledge continually of His grace in many memories, moments and supernatural, amazing (never call them coincidences) events. The Holy Spirit speaks to my soul and encourages me: do not just trudge on, but move with purpose, find beauty in the ashes, gifts to make Me known in this life and share. I do this as I remember Tim and his life bringing great healing and a very special walk with the Lord. 

Of course, so like God, this week I received a few sweet moments that made me smile and think of Timmy. 

Tiana, Timmy's friend since kindergarten. 

On the first Mother's Day after his passing, I received a late night text from one of Tim's childhood school friends,Tiana-- just blessing me with sweet words of remembering me in my grief. I ended up writing a poem about that text and including it in my memoir.This week, she sent me a personal message, unknown to her, that the date of his death was only a few days away. The message along with a clip from a movie titled, "Almost Famous" --where the band and friends start to sing on the bus one by one, "Tiny Dancer," is included in the text.  There's a longer version of this story, but the fact that she sent me a message this week, brought a smile to my face, for her connection to Timmy and this song--a remembrance of Timmy very special for both of us. 

https://youtu.be/AwIQBgcYLrI   (Check out the clip here). 

Wedding Invitations from Kirk 

A beautiful wedding invitation came in the mail today, from Kirk and Valerie. Kirk, one of Tim's BFF's from junior high and high school holds a very special place in my heart. He has struggled in adulthood, and with the grace of God has persevered along with the love of family and friends. He knows I pray for him and God has granted us some good talks and transparent moments. Timmy, you will be with us at this covenant union. God is good. 

Snoopy, the Golfer. 

After Christmas, I sometimes shop on EBay to add to my Snoopy Christmas ornament collection. This year's (2019) ornament just happens to be a "Golfing Snoopy." You guessed it, it came today, and I'm going to leave it out on Tim's shelf for a bit. Tim loved to Golf. God is good. 

Monarch in the Making

Three weeks ago, I took a picture of a chrysalis in my butterfly memorial garden. I've been waiting for the butterfly's emergence.Today, the chrysalis is black and partly transparent. Although I do this on a regular basis, to have a chrysalis right now, and a butterfly ready to enter the world is special. I think it might happen tomorrow. I'll let you know. God is good. 

Psalms 77:12 says this: "I will meditate on all Thy work, and muse on Thy deeds." I am thinking of my son, but Oh, how I think even more on the magnificent, amazing gifts God grants me continually.  Even thirteen years later, He blesses me with continued hope and strength. I believe these messages from God the Spirit whisper to me, "You remember your son, and I, the Lord, remember you." God is good!  

Lord, You give us Eternity! How can I not praise You for this promise! Thank You for always remembering me in my grief moments, my remembering moments, my joyful moments, my (and there are many) human moments, my pondering and praying moments, and especially, my humble moments asking for forgiveness. You remember each one of us and love us all the same, yet, You minister and bless each of us individually, according to Your will and plan for us and do it abundantly!  God You are so Good. Help those that do know You Lord, to be humble, grateful and begin to make precious memories with You. Thank You for the 26 years I had with Tim and Thank You for every minute since he went to be with You, of Your remembrance of us all on the day You went to the Cross. Amen. 

Love in Action

I John 3:18 (NIV) "Little children, let us not love with word or with spech but with actions and in truth."  

Happy Valentine's Day

The New Testament, written in the Greek language, expresses itself clearly when using the word love. When you study linguistics, love--L. O. V. E.--has 4 different translations.

Philia is brotherly love, friendship love.  Storge is familial love, for example, the natural love between a parent and a child. Eros refers to passion, romantic love

Agape love means action, selflessness, charity. When one speaks of God's love, the word used is agape. "For God so loved (agape) the world that He gave us His only begotten son." (John 3:16).  ACTION! 

Valentine's Day celebrates LOVE. I have experienced all of it and I hope you have too. 

We love our friends. Shown to me in a big way this week, a much needed gift of a "new to me" upgraded computer (since this one I'm currently using is old as dirt and unable to support many sites), waited for me in a blue bag with our church logo on it as I arrived to our writer's group this last Wednesday. Someone...well I think several friends who love me and want to see me a bit less frustrated  with technology, got the wheels turning. Thank you AWF. (Aspiring Writers' Forum). Thank you Chino Valley Community Church. Thank you God! 

I love my sons , my family. Uncondionally.

I am in love with my huband, Ted, married 43 years.  

I heard a great story this week about love in action. Agape love, the kind of love that Jesus wants us to "do unto others." I'd like to share it here. 

https://abcnews.go.com/US/police-surprise-man-89-creation-lost-wedding-ring/story?id=68957304

Isn't that a sweet story? 

Lord, thank you for showing us, teaching us about love. Father God, thank You for Your action of Love for us, Your death and resurrection on the Cross so that we could have a personal relationship with You. Help us to love those around us better. Show us where to display Agape love. Help us Lord to pray more for the world to see and know Your Perfect, unconditional love, Amen. 

Outbreak

Galatians 6:17 "For now on let no one cause trouble for me, for I bear on my body the brandmarks of Jesus."


I saw them this morning, paused and wondered if they would fade, maybe by summer.  Continuing to moisturize as I do routinely, the purpleish dots decorated both my legs. I knew more scattered across my tummy, my back and my arms.  These scars were left from a troubling time not so long ago, scars from stress, anxiety--scars from an outbreak of hives and the constant itch they generated. 

My body reacts to stress in very wierd ways. At one time in my life I dealt with severe hair loss, and eczema always seems to be an irritant when I'm a bit overwhelmed. This is how God put me together. 

But, I shouldn't be, right? I am a believer. "I trust God in everything"...and my inner voice begins the dialogue with itself, and I open the door to more doubt, more anxiety, worrying about my stress and anxiety! 

Ugh! I pray over and read Philippians 4:6, a mantra I must repeat and pray always and forever. 

It's the world we live in today; too much to process and expect an answer for right away. 

Remember that old saying? "Things will work themselves out in time." 

In the few weeks my son and I were dealing with a relationship issue, also involving a third party, all of our good intentions soothed over some situations, but many layers of hurt and anger deep within could not be buffed away so quickly. I wanted nothing more then for my son to be happy, work together for a good outcome, but his friend's healing did not come on our watch. 

Walking through this grief and dissapointed, this heartache with my son, caused me an outbreak of severe hives. 

Walking, sitting and counseling with my son, hearing him pray with me and for himself and this brokenness caused me an outbreak of praise to God for the best words, the honest cries and now I can say, even the heartbreak and dissappointment he received. The healing continues and insight and forgiveness moves us forward. 

Things DID work themselves out in time. It wasn't so much for her, but for my relationship with my son. We are better for this, closer, and I know he respects me and knows the Lord. It may not look like what we think it should, but God showed up in a very dark time, my son initiating the call, both to God and his believing mom.  In retrospect, we both are wiser. We know where and what we can handle when it comes to wounds cut deep and bleeding out onto others. That is God's undoing, and we continue to pray for that very thing. 

My scars remind me, not of the itchyness, but of the grace that appeared over and over. They remind me of my human nature, the way God created me with nerve endings that give awareness of pain and suffering, and how soothing to the skin of my soul-- prayer and His promises, His timing and His glorious works are. Nothing, absolutely nothing in this world is more intimate than to pray in humility, with someone you love so dearly! 

Evil intentions and hurt wanted to leave a festering blister, but the Lord's healing hands administered an ointment of love and grace. Scars may remain but God's outbreak through our tough and tanned layers when we expose our need for Him, covers us and protects us from further damage. 

Thank You Lord.  Everything will work out in time--in Your  timing in and through prayer and Your will. You know Lord, all the things done out of love and good intentions. Sometimes, we are just a stepping stone for another pathway. I can only pray that whatever roads are chosen that they lead straight to You, Your forgiveness and grace. If Lord, any words or thoughts resonate, let Your grace be magnified. I continue to pray for the lost and the broken, for generations affected by poor choices. You Lord are The Healer. May Your grace and love continue to pour onto my son for continued strength, purpose and healing. You know my skin-deep prayers for him. Help me trust in Your timing and continue to guide us in Your ways, Amen. 

Wait Trials

Romans 4:20 ...yet with the respect to the promise of God, he (Abraham) did not waver in unbelief, but grew strong in faith, giving glory to God. 



I work with special needs, high school age kiddos.  A very challenging job requiring a lot of patience and understanding, one needs love and hope as well. The hope is not so much for a "cure," but more in the idea that we all can attain a better understanding of how to help one another get to a goal, no matter how ridiculous or trivial it may seem to the "normal" world.

This week, I was instructed in my relationship with one kiddo in particular to implement a "wait trial."

This intervention involves data gathering during implementation of an exercise. I chart success and failures. The goal: to encourage the student to learn to wait for a perceived reward, an award he will get, because he waited. It involves a timer (on my phone) and the reward--one single M&M at a time, for ten tries. The waiting time will increase day to day, trial to trail, week by week. The goal for success is 80%.

For someone on the autism spectrum, the need for sensory stimulation is immediate and can result in some difficult behavior if not satisfied.

Yes, a bigger goal in mind concerning another complicated behavior warrants the baby steps taken with this beginning wait trial. After the statistics calculate out and success is apparent, we'll try the waiting and reward system for other behaviors.

It's so hard to wait for things, right?

We pray. We pace, We pray again. We go ahead of God. We get frustrated. We may exhibit behaviors not so appropriate for a "faithful follower."

What if God gave us a "wait trial?"

I think He does. The rewards are all the little blessings we receive in the waiting. Some are tangible, some are in His Word. Some are in the very thing we are waiting for, sparks of hope, good data to remind us that God is listening and that His timing is perfect.

Is our goal only at 80% of the time, maybe, I will be faithful? I will wait?

God loves when we give our all, yet He knows we are incapable of 100%. That's why Jesus came, to give us the grace when waiting seems impossible.

In our own waiting trial, we grow, we gain strength for the next possible bigger waiting trial ahead.

God's therapy for our hearts and minds may seem ridiculous for those who do not understand the goodness of the Lord, His perfect will. Patience, endurance, seeking the right way instead of the popular way, worship and fellowship in Him are all things that encourage us in our own "wait trials."

The only difference? God's wait trials, in our daily walk with Him,  do not keep track of those times we are not successful. Christ died on the Cross for all our checked boxes of failures. He wiped any data sheet we may think He keeps, clean, like we never messed up!

Lord, I am thinking about the things I am waiting for. I know you give me many "wait trials" in order to get to the bigger goal. Thank you for all the sweet blessings, the little rewards for my faithfulness in the waiting. (Is any reward from God little?) Sharing these amazing and sometimes supernatural messages comes natural to me, Lord. Thank You for allowing me this gift. Sometimes, though, in my stubbornness and impatience, I  have to wait longer. Lord, I know Your grace. You always say "try again, something awesome awaits--keep at it, keep pressing on, trust Me." Your answers and orchestrations of my desires are worth the wait. Thank You for loving us so much that You teach us to wait on You, so that we can see and share Your glory. Help me Lord in my own wavering days, honor me in my successes if it be Your will,  Amen.

Share Your M&Ms. I like the green ones. ☺

My Foolish First Response to a First Responder

Proverbs 14:7 Leave the presence of a fool, or you will not discern words of knowledge.

I laughed when I realized what he was saying, what I was thinking, the seriousness of it as well as the silliness of it, juxtaposed.

A dear friend who happens to be a firefighter saw a post on Facebook, one from a few days ago, on my page. Posting about a garland of pearls on my bare Christmas tree, he became alarmed...that this tree remained up in my house, that it was highly combustible.

But when I read the text, I thought he was texting about the pearls...I thought he meant the PEARLS were a danger!

What?  Pearls?
(In my defense, I was in class and maybe not fully reading my message).

Pearls strung in my artificial Christmas tree. 

In total humbleness...I was a fool, a bit sloppy in my reading and interpretation.

"Did you guys know pearls are highly combustible?" (Yes, I actually started a conversation--the foolishness continued).

"Please tell me your tree is artificial," the next text alerting me.

I read my phone again and laughed out loud at myself,  texting him back.

"Yes, my tree is fake and so are the pearls, no need to worry, my friend.

But you may need to worry about me.

"Never mind, pearls are good, both fake ones and real ones!"

My co workers can rest easy now, I am sure.  

I am thankful for wise friends, firefighting concerned friends who love me, because it's what they do and co-workers who laugh and give grace right along with me because--that is what we do.

My artificial Christmas tree is still up and I plan to decorate it for Valentine's Day soon, a garland of pearls hidden among the sparkly hearts and pink butterflies, the rose buds and the teddy bears with outstretched arms for hugs and the last few cards received from my sons, tucked in among the branches. That is not artificial.

My Valentines tree from a past year. 

How often do we trust, rely on the misinterpretations, contemplate the words of a fool, and dwell on our own silly or even serious mistakes--and miss the grace and the wisdom that God lovingly and mercifully gives us?

Lord, how thankful I am to have friends who speak truth into my life. You give us protection and grace within the body of Christ. Like sparkly hearts, wisdom and accountability touch us and like garland, wrap around us. These things are the real deal! May I have the ability to give myself grace when I don't see things as I should and give others the same grace. Help us Lord to seek wisdom and rid ourselves of foolish ways. Lord, some of us need to take a second look and take back a few foolish words and ideas we think and say. Sometimes, we just need to laugh at ourselves and move on. In that obedience, you turn our folly into wisdom, a gift to help others. Father God, lead us in this world, to not be so combustible but discerning and careful. Thank you Lord, for grace given, real concern from friends--our own First Responders in life. 

The Right Direction

Isaiah 30:21 And your ears will hear a word behind you, "This is the way, walk in it," whenever you turn to the right or to the left. 

I've talked about writing my book over a 5-year span and I actually did...write a memoir, something I am extremely proud of. For the last couple of years, I am reporting the completion and the edits. For months now, the conversation remains positive..."I am working towards getting it published."  I hear encouraging responses, ("cant' wait to read it"), look at the social media comments, ("where can I purchase it?" "I love your writing"). I answer a few hopeful questions when I can with the same answer, -- "thank you, not published yet...please pray about it with me." 

I made a commitment to myself that I needed to make this actually,truly,really,yes, believe it, here it is...happen, this year--2020! (God, Your timing, right?). Do the work, He says, my colleagues encourage, my mentors reverberate, my in-box promotes and entices, my bank account groans...

The first thing I decided to do: say no to a few things, scale back, hand over, go FULLY in. (BTW, that's my word for 2020, another blog post soon). OK, so, gather the info, start the research and the petitioning to God for direction. I also told myself I would do one thing a week towards this goal, however big, however small. Network, be proactive, be open...(gulp) to a few changes, and above all else, seek Him even more so in this, in my life, than the actual writing. (Is that possible? Yes, growth is always possible!) In writing: God and me. In publishing...so many other voices. I just want, as always, His direction, for His glory. I am thankful I have a writers' group and some contacts to help begin the process, navigate through it. 

One thing I know in my heart as much as I know God's Amazing Grace is that He ordained me to write this memoir, my story of losing my son and gaining an eternal perspective. 

This very thing presses in on my mind and my heart continuously. Last week, I sent my book to a professional author and professor, a contact made two years ago and rekindled last summer. I am waiting for his critique. 

So, here I am at work, on a field trip actually with my special needs class. We're at the food mall at Victoria Gardens, and nature calls. I excuse myself to use the restroom which is a bit down the end and around the corner of the last restaurant in the court. I trek on over there. Tucked around the corner, another group of special needs, older--quite older adults are having lunch with their caretakers. A sweet man, mouth drawn in over his toothless gums, smiles at me and points to the sign that says restrooms. His lunch buddy, an adorable, angelic-faced "girlfriend" mimics him and points too. "right there," she says, chuckling. (I wasn't lost...did I look lost, does it matter)? 

I couldn't help but play along and thank them for their "direction," telling the boyish older man, "thank you, and how smart he was to point out where it was because I could have walked into the wrong door!" They giggled at me as I made my way to the women's side. Coming back out, I gave them the thumbs up, they in turn, applauded my ability to find the right door and gave me a thumbs up too. What a sweet exchange! 

As I walked back to my own students and staff, I heard God's voice say to me, very clear, "keep paying attention, you will never know when and where my right direction will come from. It won't be from where you expect it, but it will be just that, MY RIGHT DIRECTION." 

Lord, I'm writing. I'm listening, I'm reading Your Word God and most importantly, I trust You, that Your direction will be Fully Right and Fully Amazing and Fully something that only You can do, for the Fullest of Your Glory. Amen.