Friday, September 20, 2013

Birthday Hope

Psalm 27:13 "I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord."

I've known OF despair. Defined, the word means: (noun) loss of hope; hopelessness, (verb) to lose, give up, or be without hope. Despair, a tool of the devil, is like a hammer to your heart. Pounding it, pulverizing it. Losing shape, the heart sinks, bringing with it a shoulder slump, a hanging head, hair in face, and shuffling feet--that is if you move at all. 

Do I have reason to despair? 

This coming week marks our son's birthday; his 33rd--if he were still present on this earth.  Of course, grief took its rightful place in my heart and mind. Yes, it is still there. I say for me, it is OK that I visit it on occassion, open the floodgates and truly feel the depth of how I miss my oldest son, Timothy. While I visit with grief, I have a restraining order against despair. 

 What are the charges against this criminal, this stalker?

 Robber of joy, murderer of spirit, embezzler of grace, cheater of will and purpose.

Slam the door, lock it,  and throw away the key. 

Can I get an Amen?  

Knowing the Chief of Eternal Security has its advantages. The Holy Spirit set up His comforting sentinel around my heart, and Hope never left. I believe in the goodness of the Lord and I see it every day, even through the bloodied gauze of grief. 

Lord, another September day comes and we celebrate the gift-memory of a son named Timothy Brian. Thank you Father for Your outstanding goodness to me, for filling me with understanding and a purpose to fulfill. I praise You, the lifter of my head,  until that day when earthly birthdays no longer matter but heavenly birthdays fill the sky with infinity candles set in the lampstands of Promise. 


  1. You always know what to say Coleene ...and how to say it! A beautiful tribute to Tim and way to honor his memory each year & throughout. I will be keeping Tim "in my heart" especially on the 25th and with all of you, in love & prayer. Your friend always, xo - D

  2. Coleene--so much beauty where for many there would only be grief. God bless you and your family.

  3. Hmmm. This is the third time to try this with my gmail acct. I keep making mistakes.........and losing the message/reply written and rewritten!

    Amen! Can you hear me? Your spiritual gendarmerie protects you from protracted grief, and that, Friend, is akin to your Family of Friends who hold you tenderly. May God keep you.