Friday, February 28, 2014

Evidence Remains

Romans 6:4 "Therefore we have been buried with Him through baptism into death in order that as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in newness of life." 

I am a teacher's aide for special education at my local high school. My job requires assisting a young man with his school needs in a special day class setting, (SDC). My first period class is Earth Science.

This week just so happens to be the 7th year anniversary of my oldest son's passing into eternity. With that looming on my mind, I couldn't help but draw the comparison to the particular chapter and section we happened to be studying on Wednesday of this week, fossils. 

When giving a definition, the book stated that fossils are "evidence of a past life."

...that they are formed by a specific process.  

The empty spaces within an organism (spaces filled with liquid or gas during life) become filled with mineral-rich groundwater. Minerals precipitate from the groundwater, occupying the empty spaces. The organism then becomes covered by setiment. 

Of course, I couldn't help but fixate on those words, "evidence of a past life." 

In my heart and soul, evidence exists of a son I love, I treasure, I miss dearly. 

In my home evidence of his memory, his things,  permeate. 

In my writing, I speak of his illness, his pain, his passing and post pictures of happy times.

...And I give testimony to the Lord who brings me great comfort and continues to bless me. 

Like petrified rocks around a desert floor, Tim's past life remains visible through me. As his mother, I need to do that. I have to do that. God is at the center of it all.

This definition also made me think of another word: legacy. I don't want to be just some scattered rocks on a desert floor. The evidence that Tim existed for his short time on earth, that I existed, I hope will not be seen so much on earth,  discovered my some wayward anthropologist. I hope that any evidence I leave will follow me into Heaven.

Because of the true God of redeeming Love I know, the rich testimony I am privleged to share, I pray that evidence will precipitate into hearts, fill up God-shaped voids and be covered by grace. The things of nature God divinly allows to transform, either seasonally or geologically, through the storms of this life, or the movement of the earth below us. We are His special creation, made to bring Him glory. I want to leave evidence, a legacy, a testimony, that my life reflected Christ.

Lord, I pray in thanksgiving, that the newness of a life lived for You never dies, never is buried by the things of this world, but becomes transformed and resurrected. Whatever evidence I proclaim in the life I live through You, may my witness be pure and Holy, my words be gentle and full of truth, my prayers be unceasing, and my worship be in humilty and sacrifice. Thank you Lord for the evidence in my heart that You are a sovereign, loving God and a God who longs to give me, through You my purpose, not just leave some dead bones or scattered rocks in the wilderness.  Amen.

Friday, February 14, 2014


"But now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love." I Corinthians 13:13 

Love seems complicated for some.  The words don't come easy, or they come way too easy and the proverbial "cart before the horse" moves down a rocky, unpaved path. God gifted us with a passionate soul, one in which longs for love to fuel it as well as a companion to share the journey with, hopefuly "'till death do us part." It may seem like a puzzle,  pieces seem to be missing or just not fitting, or like a word-search that is backwards, forwards, side-ways...or in texting!

There is an acronym I like for Valentine's Day!

K. I. S. S.   

Keep It Simple Stupid, Silly!  (Let's be Nice, it is Valentine's Day)

A year after our son died, before blogging and Facebook, I wrote "newsletters." Maybe you received a few of them.

I shared a story in the Feb. 2008 issue and I'm sharing it again today. I received a Valentine from God,  through a gift of a hand written note from my son Tim to his brother, Corey. Written at a younger time in his short life; I found it while looking for those old school-made Valentines. Searching through a bin of "saved" works of school writing and art projects, passing up all the construction paper and packets, I located a thick notebook paper folded about 6 times with light blue felt pen writing on the inside. I set aside everything else. Opening it, the words, all written neatly in capital letters spoke of a love between my son Tim and his brother, my son Corey.

(Unedited)...Corey You Are Fun To Play With Because You Are
My Only Brother. You Will Always Be A Good Brother
To Me Even When We Fight, Like You Care Alot
About Me Like When You Did'nt Want Me To Go In The
Sewers You Were Praying. That Shows That You Have Fellings
For Me. Love Your Faviorte (Only Brothr) Tim

(Just in case you are questioning my parenting..."the sewers?" --the catch basin for rain runoff a few blocks over where the kids liked to "explore." Boys will be boys)...

A Revelation

A Light Given.

A Tangible Gift, Expressed.





"Ms. C"
The dashes around the picture?
He told me he wanted it to look
"sewn" on. 
My student busied himself today with a Valentine drawing he then presented to me;  from a simple mind but a heart that beats just like mine, capable of giving and receiving love, just like mine.


We long for relationship, passion, purpose. Love.  God made it simple. We are the ones who complicate things. His desire for us is, yes, to have faith, to receive hope. But even in those days when faith seems impossible and hope crumbles like so many candy hearts with empty words, His love never fails. God wrote in blood His feelings for us on the palms of His hands, set inside a tomb only to be opened, unfolded and treasured in our hearts when Love conquered death!  Receive His Love note, His Valentine. Cherish it. Serve Him, Serve one another. In that obedience, the hope and faith grows within us.  Let Love Abound. This world needs it.

Lord, You are the Standard, the Template, the Example of true and pure--Perfect Love. Man taints it, discards it, abuses it, kills over it. Your love REDEEMS all of that. Love is the most powerful of emotions. Teach us Lord to love uncondtionally, to love selflessly, to love as You so loved. May we glorify You in our love. We thank you for all the relationships of love You have given us. Thank you for our husbands, our wives, our children, friends and even our pets. Fill us with compassion for others and enlarge our hearts to receive more of Your Unfailing Love. Amen.

Friday, February 7, 2014

Figuring Out the Truth

Psalm 51:6 "Behold, Thou dost desire truth in the innermost being, and in the hidden part, Thou wilt make me know wisdom."

My job in Special Education within a high school is challenging. There is a wide range of learning capabilities and levels, expectations and goals, what we accomodate, what we adapt and what we accept. My desire,as an educator is to peak a student's hope in what they have come to expect, maybe even what they have lost hope in, highlighting and encouraging any effort towards progress. Whether an improvement is made in an "n-th" degree or another grade level is achieved, the "n-th" degree towards more understanding is progress! The joy that comes on a student's face when he "gets something" after hours of hard work...priceless!  

This last week, I experienced a student's frustration with me, telling me that "I couldn't handle the truth!"

"What is the truth?" I asked.

"That I am NEVER going to change, get better at this..." 

Looking straight into his eyes, I explained that his truth for himself was not the same as my truth for him. With a different approach and rewording of some questions, the answers came forth. He never mentioned the words, "I can't. You do it," the rest of the day.  


I am lacking in superior skill in the areas of algebra and some geometry, specifically figuring out slope intercept when it's presented in algebraic equations. I know it seems simple to others; there is a lot of plugging in and distributing.  It just takes me a little longer to fit all the puzzle pieces together. When it clicks, aaaaah, a literal light bulb shines bright in my heart and I feel so brainy!   

When conversing about my own "slowness" with another co-worker, they reacted with a not so encouraging reply:

"Oh, that is the simplest thing we do."

"Anybody can get that, you just plug in and count squares..." 

"whaa  whaaa whaaaaaaaa..." (said the teacher in Charlie Brown's class).  

My light bulb flickered and dimmed a bit at that moment.    

Maybe I can't handle the truth...


TRUTH. Absolute TRUTH.

It is either something we accept and fight for or perhaps something we think we do not deserve or somehow have been denied. Sometimes the Truth is hidden from us. Sometimes it is smack center in our heart and the thought of processing it overwhelms us. Always, the TRUTH sets us free. That is a promise from God. We gain freedom to plug in, distribute and count the blessings we've received, the wisdom we've gained through our own struggles and the desire to continue to be True to ourselves for all God wants us to be. 

Some of us were not meant to be mathematicians. 

Father God, the Great Teacher of wisdom and giver of Absolute Truth, I am grateful and humbled to receive Your instruction. So give me a calculator, and an erasure, some encouragement and all of Your Light. We'll figure "life's solutions" out together. When my "line on a graph" intercepts with Your "Divine Line" sent from Heaven, I become more than just a point. They form a cross. Truth be told, You are the giver of all wisdom, a TRUTH I am grateful to handle until my "class work" is complete. Amen.