A Step in the Right Direction

Proverbs 16:9 "The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his step."


An important ministry for women I and many others devote ourselves all year to is temporarily suspended due to unforeseen changes in administration. A search for new leadership and God's timely directive in it all awaits us. The last two events continued as scheduled and our ministry teams  stepped up to provide the support for each other to allow this amazing night to proceed. 

In the six years "Coffee Break" has taken place, this last Monday night astounded us in every aspect, with an affirmation that this particular event will continue, grow and inspire us to be authentic and obedient in telling our story for His glory. 

When man plans to honor the Lord, He will surely direct the steps towards success! It takes communication, trust, a passion and a lot of prayer when a challenge comes, but how would we ever grow or see the beauty of the path if we didn't stop and take it in, re-evaluate and rally for what we know is a beautiful road of hope. We encouraged each other to persevere. It was said, "Coffee Break is writing its own story," and I found that to be true. Through this challenge, I got to know a few other woman better, encourage one another all the more and see God's direction illuminated in our leadership; our purpose, to share the hope of the Gospel through testimony. 

We played a game that night. We had to place a paper plate on our head and with a pen, blindly draw a picture, one step given at a time. 

Draw the ground. Now draw a house. Draw a door on your house, add windows. Place a tree in your picture. Add a sun. Some clouds, etc. After we were finished, we all looked at our drawing, our scribbles, and determined if we placed our pens and drew the picture to look as if these icons appeared relatable. 

Sometimes, life seems like that. We are blindly trying to create a "picture" of what we think we want and we just can't imagine the finished result because it just seems like a finger-painting, not the Renoir we pictured. It can be frustrating. But God sees what we cannot. If we trust Him with our hand--our lives to continue to guide us and follow His directive, we can be assured that what He is creating in us is a masterpiece and reflective of His glory. Your sun might even have a smiling face and a butterfly grace your view of heaven. 

Last night my son left his friend's house a little too late, about an hours drive home. While getting on the two lane highway not known for its safety, a bad accident happened just ahead of him. Two cars collided head-on when one car made an obvious unsafe attempt to pass a big rig on a hill. There were fatalities and a closure of the highway. My son and several other drivers were stuck behind the  scene, unable to move, turn around or proceed anywhere. He sat in his car for the next 5 hours in the middle of the night in the cold desert. 

How do I know all this? He called me, I called him, he called me. All night long, I lay awake as he did, resting, but calling every hour or so to check on the progress, make sure he was safe and staying awake, and encouraged. Someone at home was waiting for him, he wasn't alone and though tragedy and wreckage surrounded him, love still lit up his phone. Concern and hope still encouraged him in this lonely frustrating time in which he had no control over. The Lord directed his steps to be behind the caution tape and not inside it. Thank you Lord!  

Father God, we thank you for teaching us to trust you when things just go another way, not as we planned. Help us Lord to keep that trust and grow that trust, encouraging one another in love and hope. Help us Lord to slow down and look for obstacles and not have head-on collisions with doubt and fear. When things get out of our own control, surround us with the right people to inspire us and lift us up to see where our eyes should keep focused. Even when we feel we can't see beyond our own limitations, help us Lord to keep at Your directives, Your loving words because with each faithful step, You Lord are creating in us something glorious, something the world can see a bit of You in, a pathway to Your door of everlasting and abundant life. Amen. 

The Seen and the Unseen

Hebrews 11:1 "Now Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." 

There seemed to be an impending storm brewing the last 10 days or so. A fog of uncertainty just kept hanging around.

Fog amongst the vineyards. 

As someone who works for the school district, I've enjoyed my summer off, doing what I like, gardening, writing, walking...and the last two weeks, waiting for a new assignment, possibly a new school. I started praying long ago, actually beginning last September when I knew my time with my senior meant that a transition for both him and myself, culminated at graduation.

So I waited until the calendar rolled around to August to expect the letter, a reassignment of a new student and praying I'd remain on my same campus.

The letter never appeared. Every time I prayed again about this, I felt such peace. "God's got this," as the saying goes. The fog remained, the haze settled in and things continued to be very fuzzy, very unclear. With school starting in just a few days, I became proactive and began the e-mailing and calling down to the district office. Yes, I became a little concerned.

It seemed I had fallen into a black hole somewhere.  With each communication, the sun seemed to start to breakthrough. In my time with God where I like to hang out, I waited for a sign of strength, a butterfly, the ones I like to name. One day, as I sat out there drinking my whole cup of coffee, I got up to return to the house, and there it was, the butterfly I named "Faith."

God's Words came to me: Just have faith, I will make things clear.  I told God that I didn't think I was too great at waiting, especially about this. He probably smiled and thought...that's why I'm doing this!  

As I write this tonight, I am back at my same high school, a new student and a new challenge. God is faithful and He gives us the desires of our heart. Sometimes, though, we must wait in the haze until He makes things visible. In that, my faith and trust grows again. I will remember this time, this uncertainty, this provident answer in His timing when things looked pretty bleak, and encourage another.

~~~

Other times, clarity is so evident. For the last two summers, the writing of my memoir, a book about my journey through grief and healing remains my number one project. At this point, I am near completion. An old friend came to visit and I decided to show her my chapter titles.

"Pick one, I said."  "I'll read it to you."

So, she did; chapter 7 titled "My Timmy." It ends with a cliffhanger.

"I can't leave without you reading the next chapter to me!" she states.

So, I read her Chapter 8. She has closure and things are clear to her as we talk about my book.

Today, another friend came for a visit and when we returned to the house, I did the same thing. I handed her my chapter page and asked her to pick one and I'd preview my book with her by reading one chapter. Out of 31 chapters, she picked the exact same chapter as my other friend, "My Timmy," and of course when reaching the end, she just wanted more, the answer to what I had left the reader wondering in Chapter 7.

Knowing me for many years, it became clear to her how God's grace and my growth have moved the dark storm clouds away and my vision and attitude now look towards the bright side of life in and through the grieving process, which to me became a part of who I am. The writing of this memoir and the spiritual experiences I've had writing it, the continued healing and purpose in the words, the stories---all the insight is as crystal clear as a Santa Ana windy day in the valley.  I need to tell this story because this is all for His Glory.

I find that is how God works. He makes things like His creation, His love, His majesty so very clear and easy to grasp while other things more abstract like faith, trust and His will, forgiveness--actually are more to do with us, our growth, our willingness to surrender and to wait.

Clear view of Los Angeles Harbor

Lord, The weatherman is right. We need to take heed and wait out the storm, stay under an umbrella of prayer and trust that You, the Light will lead us safely through the haze of uncertainty to a sun shiny place once again. In the clear and sovereign purpose You have for us God, I can trust that the Son and His rays of Hope will keep me focused and headed into each new day with a story to tell, prepared for the rainbow of promise through what is known from the testimony of Your faithfulness to me.  And in all things... I give thanks. Amen.

All It Takes Is Three Words

Luke 10:20 "Nevertheless do not rejoice in this, that the spirits are subject to you, but rejoice that your names are recorded in heaven."

Jesus, the Teacher, the Truth Teller, Holy Son of God,  the Messiah,  gave instructions to a group of his followers, about 70 of them. Given authority and power, they were told to mingle, to go out amongst the towns, the cities, to be grateful and to convert those to the Kingdom, to share the Hope. Jesus knew that they would face some negative attitudes, disrespect, out right unbelief and possibly persecution. He told them not to have fear.  He knew the ending. Jesus always sees the bigger picture, the Harvest, the many that need to know, need to hear, need to believe.

We sing the song, "Give me Your eyes, Lord..." But do we really want to see?

Today, I saw the movie, "Do You Believe?" --A powerful story of how lives become interconnected in a few days and how God can use a few faithful to spark a difference.

It was a movie... ( a well-done, inspiring and encouraging movie, I may add, with some well known actors).

Our world is smaller now because of technology, yet really, we take on more, see more because of technology. It can be overwhelming...it is overwhelming to me just in the first 10 minutes of the nightly news!  What did this movie contain that we see in every day lives around us?

Grief, criminal behavior, lack of a father figure, stage 4 cancer, cynical and arrogant attitudes, ungratefulness, desperation, loneliness, stress, fear, uncertainty in a future, unwed mothers, childless couples, lawsuits, "political correctness", selfish attitudes, guilt,  homelessness, hunger, greed, power, war and its after affects, suicidal thoughts...death.

What part of this is not real in today's world?  If we really had the "eyes of Jesus..." wouldn't we be in tears and torment all the time for this world, for our neighbors, for our own families?  Can you love and forgive in a moment?

I can't. Not in my own strength...

Jesus instructed these 70 "do not rejoice" that I overcome the world.  He wanted the "rejoicing" to come in the Harvest. He wanted these disciples to focus on the fact that they were not a part of the world, but  a part of His plan. He wanted the rejoicing to take place when new names are written in His Book of Life. He reminded them that the Harvest was plentiful, the harvesters...few.

We can spend a lot of time, rejoicing, praying, thanking Him for His provisions, His protections, His mercy and grace...and that's all good, but don't miss someone who needs to know this same Hope.

...Give me your eyes, Lord.

The message of the movie came from the scripture: James 2:17 "Even so, faith, if it has no works, is dead, being by itself."

I write this as a challenge to myself, to you, to Believers. This world needs the Hope of the Risen Savior.  In sharing the Gospel, you will encounter serpents and scorpions.  Leave the scary stuff to One who overcomes and step into your faith with action.  Play out the script He wrote long ago, you as His "extra."

Let's be a Harvester. Let's rejoice together when another name is written in the Book of Life and we were able to be a part of that through the workings of the Holy Spirit. There just might be an asterisk after that name,  or maybe a hashtag...who knows?

 * my faithful servant...____your name ___________shared with this precious one.

#savedbythefaithfultestimonyof____your name ________.

My friend Christina upon exiting the theater,  asked the young man employee waiting to clean-up,

"Do you believe?"

He smiled and said, "Yes, I do."

Way to go, Christina!  Only God knows His heart.  After he gets off work tonight, he just may make a decision to not attend a certain "party" or he may apologize to his mother for being rude, or he may just show up at a church service the Sunday after Easter...continuing the search for what stirred him up last week...

It took three words..."Do you believe?"

Roll the credits:  forgiveness, unconditional love, grace, mercy, plans for a hope, not depair, Heaven!

Lord, you've saved me and in that I am most grateful, yet with that saving comes a great responsibility. You've called us to plant the seeds for the Harvest to come. You've shown us how and given us the authority and power to do just that. You've given us strength and courage. Why are so many of us still on the continuum of receiving, when we should be giving? Lord, you've granted us gifts. Show us as we pray how to use those gifts in Your Harvest.  Lord, give us the focus and the eyes to see as You do Lord, as You do Lord. Break our hearts for what breaks Yours, and let it not be me in disobedience to Your calling. Amen.

Yes, Jesus Matters!

Matthew 6:33 But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness...


Within my church fellowship, the Pastor is starting a new series entitled, "Does Jesus Matter?"  This week in my writing class journal prompt, I used the same question to kick off this sermon series and start a thought process in this direction.  It's default mode for  some of us who minister in areas where testimony is essential,  an eternal perspective.

I journaled about major events both on the tragic side and on the everday-life-happening-joy side. Jesus mattered when I was a child learning to pray and attend Sunday School. I never knew though, if Jesus mattered to my parents until they were either faced with illness or spiritual healing after years of trying to do life without God as a priority. Jesus mattered when marriage and children came along. Jesus mattered when cancer and funerals and diagnosis left my heart hurting. Jesus mattered in the dark, cold recesses of space when my husband looked into my eyes, shaking his head, relaying the report from the O.R. "Timmy didn't make it."

Jesus matters to me.  In times past, not everyone knew it, not everyone witnessed Him as the Lord of my life.

You know why?

Because I wasn't putting Him as Lord in my life. 

Wishy-washy, fence sitting, compromised, undisciplined, a little discouraged, sometimes defeated...

BUT...Loved, purposed, ministered to, pastored, discipled, nurtured.

 God's patience abounds!

I matter to Jesus.  He pursued me, loved me unconditionally, and always restores and fills me with Hope.

I accepted Jesus as a child of 9.  Saved. Born again to matter in life, make Him known. I experienced death of a loved one for the first time at 19...twice. Now, Heaven mattered. The "C" word entered my personal space. I needed to know if Jesus mattered to my Dad. With tears He assured me, Yes, Jesus mattered.  Motherhood, and that sense of responsibility to "raise up a child in the way he should go...," laughter, family legacy, tradition and celebration mattered. Birthdays, holidays, soccer and baseball games, report cards and late night cookie baking, driving lessons and vacations, joy and tears, music and medicine...Did Jesus matter?  Strength and growth mattered.

When I drove up to my smoking, smoldering, flaming inferno of a home--did Jesus matter? I soon came to know, his will matters. My trials equate to His love lessons.

Once again, I say Jesus matters to me. His Grace established a place in my heart long ago and the Holy Spirit never gave up on me.

Worthy!

Amazing Grace!

Unfailing Love!

Jesus Matters because He is God, and I am not.

He is and was and always will be. He reigns as sovereign Lord of all and one day EVERY knee will bow.

In Christ Alone My Hope is Found.

"When I wake up in the land of Glory, with the saints I will tell my story, there will be One name that I proclaim"    Jesus, Jesus, Jesus...Just that name.

Thank you Lord for this song of my heart!  You are my Life in everything that matters.  You are Lord, the Holy Matter that spins the universe one more day. Show me how to love others who seem to feel they do not matter to You. Thank you for Your patience in my life, moving You up my priority list. May I bring You glory in my story, in and through my matter. The Cross, your Resurrection, made an Eternal Matter. All we need to do is Believe.  Reveal Your evidence of power and Your mercy. Keep me faithful in the continued journey and allow me the privlege of making You matter in others. Amen.

Evidence Remains

Romans 6:4 "Therefore we have been buried with Him through baptism into death in order that as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in newness of life." 


I am a teacher's aide for special education at my local high school. My job requires assisting a young man with his school needs in a special day class setting, (SDC). My first period class is Earth Science.

This week just so happens to be the 7th year anniversary of my oldest son's passing into eternity. With that looming on my mind, I couldn't help but draw the comparison to the particular chapter and section we happened to be studying on Wednesday of this week, fossils. 

When giving a definition, the book stated that fossils are "evidence of a past life."

...that they are formed by a specific process.  

The empty spaces within an organism (spaces filled with liquid or gas during life) become filled with mineral-rich groundwater. Minerals precipitate from the groundwater, occupying the empty spaces. The organism then becomes covered by setiment. 

Of course, I couldn't help but fixate on those words, "evidence of a past life." 

In my heart and soul, evidence exists of a son I love, I treasure, I miss dearly. 

In my home evidence of his memory, his things,  permeate. 

In my writing, I speak of his illness, his pain, his passing and post pictures of happy times.

...And I give testimony to the Lord who brings me great comfort and continues to bless me. 

Like petrified rocks around a desert floor, Tim's past life remains visible through me. As his mother, I need to do that. I have to do that. God is at the center of it all.

This definition also made me think of another word: legacy. I don't want to be just some scattered rocks on a desert floor. The evidence that Tim existed for his short time on earth, that I existed, I hope will not be seen so much on earth,  discovered my some wayward anthropologist. I hope that any evidence I leave will follow me into Heaven.

Because of the true God of redeeming Love I know, the rich testimony I am privleged to share, I pray that evidence will precipitate into hearts, fill up God-shaped voids and be covered by grace. The things of nature God divinly allows to transform, either seasonally or geologically, through the storms of this life, or the movement of the earth below us. We are His special creation, made to bring Him glory. I want to leave evidence, a legacy, a testimony, that my life reflected Christ.

Lord, I pray in thanksgiving, that the newness of a life lived for You never dies, never is buried by the things of this world, but becomes transformed and resurrected. Whatever evidence I proclaim in the life I live through You, may my witness be pure and Holy, my words be gentle and full of truth, my prayers be unceasing, and my worship be in humilty and sacrifice. Thank you Lord for the evidence in my heart that You are a sovereign, loving God and a God who longs to give me, through You my purpose, not just leave some dead bones or scattered rocks in the wilderness.  Amen.

"Put Another Candle On the Birthday Cake"

Psalm 90:12 "So teach us to number our days, that we may present to thee a heart of wisdom."

 Today, is my birthday.  I'm one year short of the big 6-0, holding the line at 59!  (oh, that ryhmes!) Has it been a memorable year?  What gifts have I received? What wisdom have I gained?

Corey left the nest. Momma bird keeps an eagle eye and sometimes squacks at the flight pattern he chooses, but I continue to bow my head and give him over to You Lord, trusting that my faithfulness in prayer will not return void.

"Keep flapping those wings Core.  Mama bird loves you!"

Two road trips further bonded my sister and I to family, some long since dust and others with hearts that still beat to the same song; blood that remembers and treasures.  Grace met us on those trips and guided us on the trails, sang along and answered the call..."Are we there yet?"

"Not quiet, but I'm still showing you the way."

Story time. My time. A platform arose for my authentic self, my vulnerability, my storms of life to be shared. So, I wrote and then I stepped out, well, sat in front of "the land of the living" and spoke of those things, those words written in journal pages, the loss, the grief, the healing. And it was good.

 "I would have despaired..."(Psalm 27) yet God...

New faces sat around our writer's table.  Aspired to inspire. Submissions turn into hard copies and Celebration carries us through the fall and beyond.

Walking for NephCure. Saving kidneys, Saving lives. "Savior, you can move the mountains, for you are mighty to save."

A wondering warrior of a husband perserveres. Music invites him to praise, carries him along the roads. I am never alone. Whispered words of wisdom in nightime scriptures and butterfly friends keep me accountable, engaged, hopeful.

New friends...Oh the new friends! God's wisdom abounds in walks and talks and sharing and caring and laughter and status postings and picture sharing.  Thank you God!

Old friends, same year of birth (or close anyways), my jewels. (cell phone lights up as I'm writing this and a precious gem who lives in Boston is calling me, just opened her card--Blessed). Wisdom now gathers and encourages (and talks a lot!)  It's not singular.

Chaotic world numbers it's days. July 20, Aurora, Sept. 11, Benghazi, Dec. 14, Newtown, April 15, Boston.  I DO despair...but my hope remains in You Lord.

God speaks and directs me to lead. I jump in, feet first. They come, wanting more of you in fellowship  You give us All of You.  (Thank you three special ladies for joining me).

Ruth returned empty to be filled. Her twilight days redeemed;  her legacy brings forth the promised Messiah.

Here's my sandle Lord, I await your Harvest for You are bountiful; beauty from the ashes.  (Ruth 4).

Father God, thank you for your grace that fills each of my hours with hope for this year, with purpose for the next.  May each day you've numbered for me bring you glory until my days are complete. I am grateful and thankful for this year, and may wisdom be gleaned from the fields and planted anew for Your continuing Harvest. Amen.

Marquee

2 Timothy 4:8 (NIV)

Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.

Rage and rebellion, hostages taken; appears there is no escaping, no hope.  A savior devises a plan to save based on faith and trust. A way is made.

LIBERATION

Good intentions, yet deemed unworthy; thorn in his side. Countrymen find strength in unity, an orphaned child finds love.

REDEMPTION

A country devided. A leader stands tall, gifted to perservere. Truth is debated to make a way for change and words articulate in the struggle. Law finds grace.

EQUALITY

Internal pain. Anxiety. The love and support of a family. Transparency; giving it all over to hope. Mourning turns to dancing. 

ACCEPTANCE

A passion to find God, be obedient; humbled and in awe of His creations. Suffering great loss but conquering fear. We

witness a change in perspective and an inspired survivor.

TESTIMONY

An enemy waits, hides in plain sight. Careful, purposed plan to take him out. Communication is essential, in secret. Promise of victory realized by trained soldiers.

JUSTICE

Do you see some of the films of your life? Do you recognize the universal-spiritual theme, good vs. evil?

Solomon said it well, "There is nothing new under the sun."

My friend Linda also says it well, "We all have story." 

Big budget, documentary, comedy, Indie--God's script in your life receives a 5 star rating; a sure box office smash hit. Are you in intermission or watching with intent, on the edge-of-your-seat anticipation?  Your nomination is secure, The Master of Ceremonies reading your name.  Maybe it's time for a re-release or a sequel. Take your direction from the Lord.

Moses did. You saw the movie, right?  

Father God, I seek Your wisdom and direction. From the opening pages to the final scene, I ask that I can get it on the first take, but if not, You are a God with patience, the Best (only) Awesome Director Award!