Wait Trials

Romans 4:20 ...yet with the respect to the promise of God, he (Abraham) did not waver in unbelief, but grew strong in faith, giving glory to God. 



I work with special needs, high school age kiddos.  A very challenging job requiring a lot of patience and understanding, one needs love and hope as well. The hope is not so much for a "cure," but more in the idea that we all can attain a better understanding of how to help one another get to a goal, no matter how ridiculous or trivial it may seem to the "normal" world.

This week, I was instructed in my relationship with one kiddo in particular to implement a "wait trial."

This intervention involves data gathering during implementation of an exercise. I chart success and failures. The goal: to encourage the student to learn to wait for a perceived reward, an award he will get, because he waited. It involves a timer (on my phone) and the reward--one single M&M at a time, for ten tries. The waiting time will increase day to day, trial to trail, week by week. The goal for success is 80%.

For someone on the autism spectrum, the need for sensory stimulation is immediate and can result in some difficult behavior if not satisfied.

Yes, a bigger goal in mind concerning another complicated behavior warrants the baby steps taken with this beginning wait trial. After the statistics calculate out and success is apparent, we'll try the waiting and reward system for other behaviors.

It's so hard to wait for things, right?

We pray. We pace, We pray again. We go ahead of God. We get frustrated. We may exhibit behaviors not so appropriate for a "faithful follower."

What if God gave us a "wait trial?"

I think He does. The rewards are all the little blessings we receive in the waiting. Some are tangible, some are in His Word. Some are in the very thing we are waiting for, sparks of hope, good data to remind us that God is listening and that His timing is perfect.

Is our goal only at 80% of the time, maybe, I will be faithful? I will wait?

God loves when we give our all, yet He knows we are incapable of 100%. That's why Jesus came, to give us the grace when waiting seems impossible.

In our own waiting trial, we grow, we gain strength for the next possible bigger waiting trial ahead.

God's therapy for our hearts and minds may seem ridiculous for those who do not understand the goodness of the Lord, His perfect will. Patience, endurance, seeking the right way instead of the popular way, worship and fellowship in Him are all things that encourage us in our own "wait trials."

The only difference? God's wait trials, in our daily walk with Him,  do not keep track of those times we are not successful. Christ died on the Cross for all our checked boxes of failures. He wiped any data sheet we may think He keeps, clean, like we never messed up!

Lord, I am thinking about the things I am waiting for. I know you give me many "wait trials" in order to get to the bigger goal. Thank you for all the sweet blessings, the little rewards for my faithfulness in the waiting. (Is any reward from God little?) Sharing these amazing and sometimes supernatural messages comes natural to me, Lord. Thank You for allowing me this gift. Sometimes, though, in my stubbornness and impatience, I  have to wait longer. Lord, I know Your grace. You always say "try again, something awesome awaits--keep at it, keep pressing on, trust Me." Your answers and orchestrations of my desires are worth the wait. Thank You for loving us so much that You teach us to wait on You, so that we can see and share Your glory. Help me Lord in my own wavering days, honor me in my successes if it be Your will,  Amen.

Share Your M&Ms. I like the green ones. ☺

My Foolish First Response to a First Responder

Proverbs 14:7 Leave the presence of a fool, or you will not discern words of knowledge.

I laughed when I realized what he was saying, what I was thinking, the seriousness of it as well as the silliness of it, juxtaposed.

A dear friend who happens to be a firefighter saw a post on Facebook, one from a few days ago, on my page. Posting about a garland of pearls on my bare Christmas tree, he became alarmed...that this tree remained up in my house, that it was highly combustible.

But when I read the text, I thought he was texting about the pearls...I thought he meant the PEARLS were a danger!

What?  Pearls?
(In my defense, I was in class and maybe not fully reading my message).

Pearls strung in my artificial Christmas tree. 

In total humbleness...I was a fool, a bit sloppy in my reading and interpretation.

"Did you guys know pearls are highly combustible?" (Yes, I actually started a conversation--the foolishness continued).

"Please tell me your tree is artificial," the next text alerting me.

I read my phone again and laughed out loud at myself,  texting him back.

"Yes, my tree is fake and so are the pearls, no need to worry, my friend.

But you may need to worry about me.

"Never mind, pearls are good, both fake ones and real ones!"

My co workers can rest easy now, I am sure.  

I am thankful for wise friends, firefighting concerned friends who love me, because it's what they do and co-workers who laugh and give grace right along with me because--that is what we do.

My artificial Christmas tree is still up and I plan to decorate it for Valentine's Day soon, a garland of pearls hidden among the sparkly hearts and pink butterflies, the rose buds and the teddy bears with outstretched arms for hugs and the last few cards received from my sons, tucked in among the branches. That is not artificial.

My Valentines tree from a past year. 

How often do we trust, rely on the misinterpretations, contemplate the words of a fool, and dwell on our own silly or even serious mistakes--and miss the grace and the wisdom that God lovingly and mercifully gives us?

Lord, how thankful I am to have friends who speak truth into my life. You give us protection and grace within the body of Christ. Like sparkly hearts, wisdom and accountability touch us and like garland, wrap around us. These things are the real deal! May I have the ability to give myself grace when I don't see things as I should and give others the same grace. Help us Lord to seek wisdom and rid ourselves of foolish ways. Lord, some of us need to take a second look and take back a few foolish words and ideas we think and say. Sometimes, we just need to laugh at ourselves and move on. In that obedience, you turn our folly into wisdom, a gift to help others. Father God, lead us in this world, to not be so combustible but discerning and careful. Thank you Lord, for grace given, real concern from friends--our own First Responders in life. 

The Right Direction

Isaiah 30:21 And your ears will hear a word behind you, "This is the way, walk in it," whenever you turn to the right or to the left. 

I've talked about writing my book over a 5-year span and I actually did...write a memoir, something I am extremely proud of. For the last couple of years, I am reporting the completion and the edits. For months now, the conversation remains positive..."I am working towards getting it published."  I hear encouraging responses, ("cant' wait to read it"), look at the social media comments, ("where can I purchase it?" "I love your writing"). I answer a few hopeful questions when I can with the same answer, -- "thank you, not published yet...please pray about it with me." 

I made a commitment to myself that I needed to make this actually,truly,really,yes, believe it, here it is...happen, this year--2020! (God, Your timing, right?). Do the work, He says, my colleagues encourage, my mentors reverberate, my in-box promotes and entices, my bank account groans...

The first thing I decided to do: say no to a few things, scale back, hand over, go FULLY in. (BTW, that's my word for 2020, another blog post soon). OK, so, gather the info, start the research and the petitioning to God for direction. I also told myself I would do one thing a week towards this goal, however big, however small. Network, be proactive, be open...(gulp) to a few changes, and above all else, seek Him even more so in this, in my life, than the actual writing. (Is that possible? Yes, growth is always possible!) In writing: God and me. In publishing...so many other voices. I just want, as always, His direction, for His glory. I am thankful I have a writers' group and some contacts to help begin the process, navigate through it. 

One thing I know in my heart as much as I know God's Amazing Grace is that He ordained me to write this memoir, my story of losing my son and gaining an eternal perspective. 

This very thing presses in on my mind and my heart continuously. Last week, I sent my book to a professional author and professor, a contact made two years ago and rekindled last summer. I am waiting for his critique. 

So, here I am at work, on a field trip actually with my special needs class. We're at the food mall at Victoria Gardens, and nature calls. I excuse myself to use the restroom which is a bit down the end and around the corner of the last restaurant in the court. I trek on over there. Tucked around the corner, another group of special needs, older--quite older adults are having lunch with their caretakers. A sweet man, mouth drawn in over his toothless gums, smiles at me and points to the sign that says restrooms. His lunch buddy, an adorable, angelic-faced "girlfriend" mimics him and points too. "right there," she says, chuckling. (I wasn't lost...did I look lost, does it matter)? 

I couldn't help but play along and thank them for their "direction," telling the boyish older man, "thank you, and how smart he was to point out where it was because I could have walked into the wrong door!" They giggled at me as I made my way to the women's side. Coming back out, I gave them the thumbs up, they in turn, applauded my ability to find the right door and gave me a thumbs up too. What a sweet exchange! 

As I walked back to my own students and staff, I heard God's voice say to me, very clear, "keep paying attention, you will never know when and where my right direction will come from. It won't be from where you expect it, but it will be just that, MY RIGHT DIRECTION." 

Lord, I'm writing. I'm listening, I'm reading Your Word God and most importantly, I trust You, that Your direction will be Fully Right and Fully Amazing and Fully something that only You can do, for the Fullest of Your Glory. Amen.