Cause of Death

Revelation 1: 17-18 And when I saw Him, I fell at His feet as a dead man. And He laid His right hand upon me saying, "Do not be afraid; I am the First and Last, and the Living One; and I was dead, and behold, I am alive forevermore, and I have the keys of death and Hades." 

"Pilate said to them, "Then what shall I do with Jesus who is called Christ?"

They all said, "Let Him be crucified!"

And when Pilate saw that he was accomplishing nothing, but rather that a riot was starting, he took water and washed his hands in front of the multitude, saying, "I am innocent of this Man's blood; see to that yourselves," (Matthew 27:22-24).

On Golgotha, the hill in Jerusalem where crucifictions took place, Jesus bore His cross, hung from the beams by stakes pounded into His flesh. His previously fileted-open back sticking to the splintered wood, blood dripping from the crown of thorns smashed down around His head. Naked, bleeding, suffering, suffocating...Yet enduring the Cross, the Will of  the Father God.

Because it was soon to be the Sabbath, Joseph of Arimathea asked Pilate if he could take care of Jesus's body. Pilate gave the permission. (Matt. 27:57-58). His body was wrapped in strips of linen most likely soaked in aloes and myrrh. Placed in a donated tomb, Pilate made sure that His body was guarded, secured, as well as a seal placed on the tomb.

No coroner showed up, no hearse, or mortuary...

~~~

A few weeks after my son passed away, I received his death certificate in the mail. It read something like this: Cause of Death, multiple organ failure do to kidney disease and other maladies.

I remember thinking in my deep grief, how could someone sum up his death in just a few short words? It involved so much more, so much I needed to see explained on that piece of paper as if that might justify everything...give me closure.

 I began my process of grief by proclaiming a "Life Certificate," of my son's and my own.

What would Jesus's death certificate say?


Cause of death: 
lying, stealing, coveting, lust, greed, idol worship, hypocrisy, disrespect, gossip, slander, impurity, wrath... 

Racism, poverty, enslavement, starvation, murder, rape...

War, Terrorism, the Halocaust, Genocide, 911, Syria...drug cartels, political anarchy and brutal regimes...

Every disease known and unknown, brought into existence by the deterioration of this world since man made the choice to desire his own will apart from God. 


Jesus died for every sin this world, you and I ever commited--every sin, the blatant and the underlying condition of our hearts, since the beginning of time. Though Pilate "washed his hands," his sin still infiltrated his soul. God sent His Son to right Humanity. Humanity has a way out of eternal separation from the Almighty.

Unfathomable--Yet I believe, because He has given me His Life Certificate.

What did Jesus die from? His Cause of Death?

One Word, one word only...

LOVE.

Lord, Although I write many words, my Life Certificate really says one clear statement--
Reedemed by Grace. Your death on the Cross that Good Friday 2000 years ago, conquered the sin in my life--everyday! I am forgiven, redeemed by Your shed blood, allowing me access to enjoy an intimate relationship with My Heavenly Father. I am thankful Lord, for the gift of the Holy Spirit which gives me Your direction and guides me through the days I am alive in this broken world. In the darkness that covers our lives today, at these hours that are now weeks, may You Jesus, the Light of the World, fill our homes and our hearts with Your Hope. I sing and praise You Lord for Easter morning, when our belief in the Resurrection assures us that we, too, will have eternal life abiding with You into Eternity, victory over sin. Amen.

"...And I Remember You."

Philippians 1:3 "I thank God for all my remembrances of you."

The date my son,Timothy died and went to heaven is coming up next week, February 27th. It's been thirteen years. God is so good. He grants me glimpses of Heaven and the knowledge continually of His grace in many memories, moments and supernatural, amazing (never call them coincidences) events. The Holy Spirit speaks to my soul and encourages me: do not just trudge on, but move with purpose, find beauty in the ashes, gifts to make Me known in this life and share. I do this as I remember Tim and his life bringing great healing and a very special walk with the Lord. 

Of course, so like God, this week I received a few sweet moments that made me smile and think of Timmy. 

Tiana, Timmy's friend since kindergarten. 

On the first Mother's Day after his passing, I received a late night text from one of Tim's childhood school friends,Tiana-- just blessing me with sweet words of remembering me in my grief. I ended up writing a poem about that text and including it in my memoir.This week, she sent me a personal message, unknown to her, that the date of his death was only a few days away. The message along with a clip from a movie titled, "Almost Famous" --where the band and friends start to sing on the bus one by one, "Tiny Dancer," is included in the text.  There's a longer version of this story, but the fact that she sent me a message this week, brought a smile to my face, for her connection to Timmy and this song--a remembrance of Timmy very special for both of us. 

https://youtu.be/AwIQBgcYLrI   (Check out the clip here). 

Wedding Invitations from Kirk 

A beautiful wedding invitation came in the mail today, from Kirk and Valerie. Kirk, one of Tim's BFF's from junior high and high school holds a very special place in my heart. He has struggled in adulthood, and with the grace of God has persevered along with the love of family and friends. He knows I pray for him and God has granted us some good talks and transparent moments. Timmy, you will be with us at this covenant union. God is good. 

Snoopy, the Golfer. 

After Christmas, I sometimes shop on EBay to add to my Snoopy Christmas ornament collection. This year's (2019) ornament just happens to be a "Golfing Snoopy." You guessed it, it came today, and I'm going to leave it out on Tim's shelf for a bit. Tim loved to Golf. God is good. 

Monarch in the Making

Three weeks ago, I took a picture of a chrysalis in my butterfly memorial garden. I've been waiting for the butterfly's emergence.Today, the chrysalis is black and partly transparent. Although I do this on a regular basis, to have a chrysalis right now, and a butterfly ready to enter the world is special. I think it might happen tomorrow. I'll let you know. God is good. 

Psalms 77:12 says this: "I will meditate on all Thy work, and muse on Thy deeds." I am thinking of my son, but Oh, how I think even more on the magnificent, amazing gifts God grants me continually.  Even thirteen years later, He blesses me with continued hope and strength. I believe these messages from God the Spirit whisper to me, "You remember your son, and I, the Lord, remember you." God is good!  

Lord, You give us Eternity! How can I not praise You for this promise! Thank You for always remembering me in my grief moments, my remembering moments, my joyful moments, my (and there are many) human moments, my pondering and praying moments, and especially, my humble moments asking for forgiveness. You remember each one of us and love us all the same, yet, You minister and bless each of us individually, according to Your will and plan for us and do it abundantly!  God You are so Good. Help those that do know You Lord, to be humble, grateful and begin to make precious memories with You. Thank You for the 26 years I had with Tim and Thank You for every minute since he went to be with You, of Your remembrance of us all on the day You went to the Cross. Amen. 

Living Liberty, Fullness of Freedom

II Corinthians 3:17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.

Where does your liberty, your freedom hang out?  Where does it surface, show itself, invade your space, overflow...

Where does it go when you don't see it? Is it hiding, absent, not available? 

What does the word freedom mean to you? 

Does it conjure up ideas of democracy and patriates? America and the red, white and blue? 

Yes, probably.  I think there's more...

Is liberty a statue or a state of mind and soul? 

We will celebrate freedom/liberty in a couple of days. 

Can't we celebrate it everyday?  It's why we have it, right? 

I know...known of  some people who seem chained, un-free, without liberty. 

I am sure we all have felt this at one time...more than one time. 

Words tumble out like heavy chains linked together with negativity. They trod through life with shoes made from disappointment, shoulders burdened with the world's expectations and troubles. 

When Jesus Christ reigns supreme in our hearts and in our minds, freedom is ours forever. The Cross, like Holy bolt cutters, severed each link. God is our liberator through His Son. The more you meditate on that fact and live it,  in worship, prayer and submission, those chains begin to break apart. 

Shoes seem lighter today. 

Shoulders won't be sore; you'll sleep more restful and feel His peace. 

Words become more gentle, humble and kind, encouraging and uplifting. 

More of Him, less of the world...that is true freedom and a hope not found in the bitter man, but the believing man. 



And isn't that something we need to celebrate everyday?!  

Thank you Lord, for the freedom, the liberation I have in You. Though the evil one wants to find clever ways to weigh me down, keep me from all You want to give me, I know that You Lord, conquer over my enemies, those in thought and those visible. Chains are replaced with Your Hope and Your Joy. I desire to use my freedom in You to further Your Kingdom. Help me Lord to live knowing that everyday, I am free and filled with the Spirit of the Living God. I am free to celebrate that gift in love and deeds for those who need to know how to find that same peace. I'm free to worship you at every minute and proclaim my gratefulness. May I never lose this passion and become apathetic at the thought of true freedom. 

Thank you Lord for the liberty I have to write and post this blog, for that freedom, many have died for. I am forever grateful. God bless them, their families.  Amen. 

Happy 4th!  God Bless America. 

Chris Tomlin 

Because He Is Good

Isaiah 53: 3-5 "He was despised and forsaken of men, a man of sorrows, and aquainted with grief; 
and like one whom men hide their face, 
He was despised, and we did not esteem Him. 
Surely our griefs He Himself bore, and our sorrows He carried; 
Yet we ourselves esteemed Him stricken, 
Smitten of God and afflicted. 
But He was pierced through for our transgressions, 
He was crushed for our iniquities..."

Today is Good Friday. Why is it good, you ask?  Christendom takes the bread and breaks it, drinks of the cup and ponders on the good, THE GOOD of what transforms us, pushes us through into the Holy of Holies, passed the torn veil and into a New Covenant, a new promise of Hope, the everlasting riches of His divine glory.

Think back on a day you totally felt ashamed, worthless, sick to your stomach for a horrible decision, unforgiven, guilty, angry, desperate...

Now imagine every human being that ever lived taking those same thoughts and feelings, putting them in a backpack and placing them on the shoulders of Christ. Still, this was only one day, one set of emotions multiplied by all of humanity, the ones we admit, the ones we'd really like to see forgiven. What about all the others, the ones we still covet, hold on to, wrestle with, keep secret, deny...?

Jesus Christ on that Cross took on all of humanity's sin, the obvious and the hidden, the defined and the undefined, the tragic disregard and the intentional and blatant self-serving hedonism of mankind, all of it, and then He died...Because He is Good and we are not!

That sin, that affliction we carry, that sickness deep in our lungs, that infection in our gut, those nervous anxieties and restless nights, that heavy burden that drowns us and keeps us from true joy...He absorbed into his God-man skin, into the very Holy cells of His righteous Being, circulating through His heart, each beat calling out our name to the Father, "Forgive them..."

And this is the Gospel Truth (Mark 15).

Good Friday is Good because it is so personal. It is you He sees from the Cross, you whose sin He gathers and burns.

Break the bread and partake of His goodness, remember His body bruised and crushed. Savor the Bread of Life and His sustaining grace that fills us with awe and wonder. Sip from the cup of His Salvation, the River of Life that floods the deluge of sin to revive and transform us for His glory.

Victory awaits us. A triumphant celebration prepares. Faith is forged and Hope is renewed. For this is not the end of the Good. Good continues eternal.

All that He requires is your humble heart.

"Blessed are those who are poor in spirit ( to know their need for God), for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 5:4

Father, it is incomprehensible the depth of Your Good Love for us, for me. Yet You show me everyday how to do this life, how to live in joy, how to conquer sin and be a light. You do that in such personal ways that encourage me to want to know You even more intimately and share Your plan, worship You with abandon and fellowship with others--THE plan of Love that moves us into the everlasting eternity spent with You. Thank you Father God for sending Your Son to die for me on that Cross, for Your plan to have communion again with us sinners. May we remain always humble and willing to be obedient to Your calling, sharing the Good that is You, Amen.

Love is Bigger!

I Corinthians 13:13 But now abide faith, hope love, these three, but the greatest of these is love.  


Valentine's Day and love is in the air. Sweethearts shop for diamonds, marriages are officiated, boys steal a kiss, girls blush, moms buy the coolest Valentine's for the classroom and kids learn to draw hearts and eat candy with silly words stamped on them. Husbands spend their whole paycheck on a dozen red roses and a box of Sees...well, maybe not. (A nice card and your good cooking is sufficient). 

What is your action, your visible sign, your gift of love to show those special in your heart your affection?  

The leadership students at my high school where I work spent several days writing each classmate's name on a sticky note, color-coded to their grade, and placing it on a several signs that spelled out LOVE. Labor-intensive and creative, each were placed around significant viewing areas  of campus, encompassing the student body in a message of hope. You Matter! You are Loved! Love is bigger than a bully, bigger than failure. Love creates community. 

Mrs. Weiss and her students 

A personal sign of love gave me a hug today. My teacher shared with me a moment she had with one of our special students while returning from an off campus outing yesterday.  I walked ahead of her with another group while student "K" walked beside her. He noticed a butterfly decal on a car. He said to her, "That is for Miss Coleene... that car and the butterfly is for Coleene!" 

When she told me that today, adding "that some think our kids don't get stuff, but, Oh, how they do," I had to sigh and feel the emotion, that a butterfly-love moment reaches beyond boundaries and limitations one might consider, but  transcends and touches every human mind. He knew and felt my heart when I told him a tiny version of a butterfly story, how they come to remind me of a special one in heaven. He remembered the love. Love is bigger than obstacles we can't control or disabilities that challenge us. 

Love is powerful, more powerful than any negative emotion, especially if we feed it and live it and seek to make it grander. 

This morning, I viewed a wonderful story of love and courage combined. Please click on the video below and watch the story of an example of love for mankind exhibited by Mr. Andre Mary. This story should touch your heart with hope. 

http://www.nbclosangeles.com/news/local/79-Year-Old-Man-Rescues-Girl-Freeway-Overpass-368582691.html

The Lord is Love, for God so Loved, He gave his only Son. Think about the Cross and imagine, every human that ever lived having a sticky-note with their name on it, stuck to its rugged exterior, Christ's blood trickling down, runnng through every name.  It creates a big  picture viewed from eternity, one that spells love and grace. Find your name, see it and believe He knows you and redeems you. Allow that love to fill you with worth. Love can silence the "bullies" in your life and can transform them as well. Love is patient and kind, and God's Love is perfect and good. 

Love remembers and has hope that inspires others. Love is a story we can all tell in our own way. Love never fails. 

Love bears all things. Even at 79, love climbs on a freeway overpass and believes, triumphs and saves. Love is enduring and selfless. 

Earlier this week,  the10th of February marked the one-year anniversary of my father-in-law's passing. It rained in the afternoon after his memorial service and God gave us a double rainbow on the drive home. Wednesday afternoon, I glanced to the sky and a  "rainbow" of colors reflected in a scattering of light clouds on a rainless day. Later that evening, I ran an errand to the grocery store. In the sky, a group of birds flew in formation, dipping and bending in a circular motion, maybe even a heart. Lord, you are a good God and I thank you for the reminder that Your Love is powerful and transcending, personal and bigger than all our sorrow, our lacking, our confusion, our mistakes, our negativity, our doubt. Your Love is powerful and recharges perserverance, insightful and amazing. Thank you Lord. 

Father, I am grateful and blessed  for Your Love that gives life-saving hope. Help us Lord to love like You do in all circumstances, in our speech, in our actions, in our posts and tweets. Thank you that my name is on a sticky-note on the Cross of Your salvation and that I am remembered. Thank you Lord for showing us Love in rainbows and butterflies, in Your marvelous creation and in Your people. I know I am loved by Greatest Love and that I can forever trust in that same Love for my today and all my tomorrows. Amen

Happy Valentine's Day!